at war with love
by BadWolfGirl01
Summary: Obitine companion fic spanning the latter half of "these battle scars". Reading not *required* for comprehension of series, but it expands upon several scenes that are mentioned and/or unwritten in the main fics.
1. Chapter 1

_**This is an obitine-centric companion fic that spans the latter half of the "these battle scars" series. There are four chapters, two of which are completed. Chapter One takes place in the week or so leading up to the events of** i feel like ruin's wooing me, **and Chapter Two spans the time between the fourth chapter of** the enemy within (and all the fires from your friends) **and its epilogue. There are two other chapters which will take place after certain key events in** the only thing that comes (are the post-traumatic stresses) **. Chapter Three is in progress now.**_

 _ **Content warning for mentions of violence, nightmares, flashbacks, PTSD, some medical stuff.**_

* * *

"We believe Maul and Savage Opress intend to move on Mandalore," Mace says, steepling his fingers under his chin. "There are reports that they're working with Deathwatch and some of the large crime syndicates. It would be best if Duchess Kryze were to leave the planet for a time so we can ensure her safety - Maul doesn't appear to have any interest in taking prisoners. You have done missions with the Duchess in the past, so you seem like the most logical choice to send. She's more likely to listen to you."

Obi-Wan honestly isn't sure about that, but he nods to show he understands. At the thought of Maul getting anywhere near Satine, his feels a hot pulse of anger and fear, quickly suppressed. Breathe in, breathe out, release it to the Force. "I'll go, of course," he says lightly. "But to be honest, Master Windu - I'm not sure she'll even listen to me."

"You had better make sure she does," Mace says dryly, and Obi-Wan knows he's right. "Mandalore can't afford to lose her."

Neither can the alliance of neutral systems, so Obi nods, privately trying to figure out how he's going to convince Satine to just abandon her planet when it's under threat from two Dark Siders and half a dozen crime syndicates.

He really does have his work cut out for him, but at least he's used to dealing with stubborn people at this point. (Really, why is it always him who has to deal with these things?) And he can't afford to fail this mission.

For Mandalore's sake, of course.

...

Satine is… less than pleased at the quite frankly ridiculous idea the Jedi Council has come up with this time. She sits straight and tall on her throne, head held high, eyes flashing as she stares down the Jedi Master who has the misfortune of bringing her this news. (Honestly, why do they always send Obi-Wan Kenobi? The poor man has already had to deal with enough of her temper to last a lifetime, and more besides.)

"I will not abandon my planet and my people just because there is a potential threat to my life! I am a pacifist, not a coward," she snaps out, icy-cold and imperious.

Obi-Wan bows his head. "I understand, Duchess. Believe me, I understand. But I beg you to consider the disastrous consequences your death could have on Mandalore and for the thousands of neutral systems who look to you to defend their neutrality."

Damn the man for knowing her weak spots. "Do you think me so easily killed, Obi-Wan?" she asks archly, raising an eyebrow.

Once upon a time, such a perceived slip-up would've made him blush. Now, however, he just regards her with a cool, steady gaze. "My dear Satine," he says gently, "Maul is the Sith Lord who killed my Master so long ago. I don't think you are easy to kill by any means, but I cut Maul in half and here he is."

That makes her go cold. She wonders how he's so easily keeping up that famed Jedi serenity even in the face of confronting what must be horrible pain. She sighs, drags her long, thin fingers down her face, feeling suddenly tired. "Alright, Obi. I will come with you, but only until the threat on my life has been resolved."

...

He can't believe she's actually agreed, but he inclines his head, smiles slightly. "Thank you, Duchess. How soon could you be prepared to leave?"

Satine shakes her head a little and folds her hands in her lap. "I have to discuss this with my government," she says. "If Mandalore is in danger, I can't leave without making sure my people will be safe."

"Of course. I would expect nothing less," Obi-Wan says - and he wouldn't. Satine has always put her people first, especially in times like these, regardless of the danger to herself.

"I believe I can be ready to leave by tomorrow, however. Will you require accommodation?" she asks, but Obi-Wan has a berth on his ship, so he declines.

"That won't be necessary, thank you. I have to look in on my men - but you have my comm frequency, if you need me." Thinking about Maul unbalances Obi more than he wishes it did - perhaps it's simply that Maul should be dead but instead he has become even more deadly, more Dark, and taken an apprentice of his own. Whatever the reason , Obi-Wan decides it would be wise to meditate, just now. There are some things he still struggles to let go of, he has no illusions about that - that simply means he has to spend more time endeavoring to release them.

"Yes, thank you, Obi-Wan," she says, smiling solemnly. Obi thinks it's unfortunate how they only seem to meet when she's in danger, but it's war, and that's how it's always been for them. He bows slightly and turns to go, relieved that she's at least promised to go with him. That's one weight off his shoulders, anyway.

...

It takes Satine just under a day, working nearly around the clock to arrange things, for her to be ready to leave. She accompanies Obi-Wan to the transport, frowning slightly at the multiple clone troopers. It's not that she doesn't see them as people, per se, just that they were literally created for war, bred for it. Their very existence goes against every moral and value and principle she holds dear.

The transport has only just lifted off when Obi-Wan's wristcomm pings. "Sir, urgent comm just came in from the Council. General Skywalker needs immediate reinforcements and we're closest to him."

"Copy that, Cody," Obi-Wan says, and then he turns to Satine. "I'm sorry, but it seems we'll be making a detour before we make it to Coruscant."

Satine is not mollified by that. "I want no part in this war," she says sharply. "Not even as an observer."

"I am sorry," he says, more quietly, and she's struck by how exhausted he looks in this moment. Like he hasn't truly slept in weeks.

She sighs. "I know." Unfortunately, being sorry isn't enough.

She's expecting the ship (which doesn't have a name, she's informed, ever since the Negotiator was destroyed) to be controlled chaos; what surprises her is how controlled it is. Clones with orange painted armor are jogging around, but no one looks worried or upset or anything at all. It's like this is just a drill.

The bridge is much the same, though less bustling. A clone who's introduced as Commander Cody is there, presumably to explain the situation, although the first thing he says is, "General, all due respect, but you look like you're about to collapse."

Obi-Wan just smiles in that rueful way she wishes wasn't so kriffing endearing. "Ah, Cody, there's no rest for the weary, as they say. This is Duchess Satine," he adds, gesturing to her.

Satine inclines her head, but doesn't speak. She's not sure what to say. This man is a soldier through and through, in his element. What is she supposed to say to someone who so thoroughly opposes everything she stands for?

...

Cody, true to form, is almost stiff when he inclines his head in return and Obi-Wan wants to smile, but hides it. "Good to meet you, Duchess," Cody says, and when no answer is forthcoming, turns back to Obi-Wan, all business. "Sir, General Skywalker is outnumbered and his forces are surrounded on Taris. Their mission is to retake our outpost there, but the Tarisians apparently heard they were coming and sent a welcoming committee."

"How thoughtful of them," Obi says, sighing. "This sounds simple, at least - Did Anakin say what he needs us to do or has he left it up to my imagination?"

"The Council just said what I've told you, General, and that they would appreciate it if we could finish this in a timely fashion."

Obi-Wan shakes his head. That order was hardly necessary. With Satine along for the ride and Anakin in danger, he wants this mission over as fast as possible. He glances at Satine and finds she's standing with her chin imperiously lifted, expression stony, and he sighs guiltily. This isn't particularly fair to her. "Forgive me, Duchess, I should have asked - Would you like me to have one of the men show you to your quarters?" At the very least then she wouldn't have to stand here listening to him make battle plans.

"I would appreciate that, thank you, Master Kenobi," she says. He pinches the bridge of his nose and wishes that for once Anakin could have just stayed out of trouble.

"Captain Gregor?"

The clone captain salutes, and Obi-Wan smiles. "Yes, sir?"

"Will you take Duchess Kryze to her quarters, please, and see that she has everything she needs?"

"Yes sir." Gregor grins as he walks over to Satine, although that's his only break (for once) from military professionalism. "If you could come with me, Duchess."

...

Satine follows the clone Captain back through the ship to a spacious set of rooms. Gregor grins at her, says, "Here you are, Duchess. If you need anything, you just let us know."

"Thank you, Captain," she says, as politely as she can manage to a man created to fight a war, and then she steps inside the room.

She spends the next few hours alternating between sleeping, pacing, and scrolling through the HoloNet on her datapad. Sleep comes slowly and she wakes often, even though she's tired; she thinks it's the knowledge that there's a war going on beneath her feet.

She has always found violence and war to be intolerable, and being stuck on a Jedi cruiser in the middle of a battle for a planet is… well, nearly repulsive, to say the least. Still, after several hours, she can't help but start to wonder, to worry. Is it supposed to be taking this long? She finally leaves the room behind, makes her way back to the bridge to find it nearly empty. Both Obi-Wan and Commander Cody are gone.

"What can we do for you, Duchess?" one of the clone technicians asks.

Satine hesitates before answering. "I was just wondering how long this… battle will take."

The clone nods, something like understanding flashing over his face. "The General made planetfall a few hours ago, but the Tarisians are jamming transmissions-which is typical," he mutters, almost scowling, "you'd think the Republic could come up with something jammers won't catch. Anyway, don't worry, Duchess," he finishes with an almost charming smile. "With Generals Skywalker and Kenobi down there together, the battle should be finished in no time. They're the best Jedi Generals the Republic has."

She thinks he means that to be reassuring, but it's not, not really. Still, another question presents itself to her, and she finds herself asking without entirely meaning to. "And how many of you troopers will fall protecting your Jedi?"

The clone actually laughs at that. "Duchess, we would all sacrifice ourselves for General Kenobi or General Skywalker or even Commander Tano in a heartbeat," he tells her. "But you don't understand. Our General protects us. General Kenobi would take a blaster bolt for any one of us, even though we're just clones-it drives Cody crazy, because our Jedi has no sense of self-preservation. You should hear some of the messes he's gotten himself into. Most recently, he had to pretend to be a slave, except then he was found out and made an actual slave. They gave him a shock collar and put him in a cage, I heard." He winces, looking away. "Not as bad as what happened to Commander Tano and Captain Rex of the 501st, though."

Satine swallows, finds herself wondering just who exactly arranged such a mission. (She deliberately does not let herself worry about Obi-Wan, about how careless he seems to have become.) "What happened to them?" she asks softly, remembering Ahsoka Tano-the bright, beautiful young Togruta padawan who'd come with Padme and helped root out corruption in her own government. Still alive, thankfully, it seems, but… at what cost? (Yet another reason to despise war.)

It's his turn to hesitate. "It's not my story to tell, Duchess," he says finally. "But-the mission was to infiltrate the Zygerrian slave empire for something, and they were caught. I think the Commander and the Captain were taken to a mine on Kadavo."

Ahsoka, a slave? It doesn't make sense. "Thank you," she says, bowing her head slightly. "What's your name, trooper?"

"I'm called Click, sir-Duchess," Click corrects himself hastily. "If you like, I can make sure you're alerted when the General returns?"

"Yes, thank you, Click," Satine says, grateful. Just so she can know when this awful affront to life itself is over, of course. That's the only reason she wants to know.

Of course.

* * *

Anakin, Ahsoka, and Rex are waiting when Obi-Wan and the 212th arrive, during a rare break in the Tarisian and Seppie attack. "There you are, Master!" Anakin says cheerfully. "What took you so long?"

Obi-Wan doesn't look very pleased. "For once, could you not have just stayed out of trouble, Anakin?" he asks with a sigh. "I'm in the middle of transporting a diplomatic guest back to Coruscant-"

"The Council said you were on Mandalore," Anakin interrupts, feels a smirk stretching across his face. "Master, you should've told me your girlfriend is on your ship-"

"How many times must I tell you, Satine is not my girlfriend!" Obi-Wan pinches the bridge of his nose and huffs a frustrated sigh.

"Satine, like, Duchess Satine?" Ahsoka asks, starting to grin. "Master, why didn't you tell me the Duchess is his girlfriend?"

Rex must make some sort of comment through their bond, because next thing Anakin knows his padawan is turning to laugh at Rex, bumping her shoulder against his. Obi-Wan sighs again, and Anakin grins.

This is turning out to be fun.

...

The battle is, as Obi-Wan had expected, simple. Not easy, unfortunately - the 501st has sustained heavier casualties than normal, his own battalion struggles as well, and he sustains a blaster wound to the shoulder - but it's enough support that they break through the Separatist forces and have control of the outpost after only a few hours. The Republic had sent a new squad of clones with Anakin to hold the outpost once they recover it; Rex and Cody see to making sure the squad is settled into the outpost and prepared to defend it.

Obi-Wan finds he's dreading, a little, going back to his ship and seeing Satine's look of disapproval - not to mention Anakin is giving him significant looks and Cody and Rex seem quietly amused. Knowing his men, the rumor that he has a girlfriend , of all things, will have spread throughout both battalions within an hour of Anakin saying something about it.

He doesn't understand why Anakin can't just leave well enough alone - he and Satine have a strictly diplomatic relationship, and if that had ever been different, that no longer matters.

Not everyone can flaunt the Code like Anakin and Ahsoka do, or else what's even the point of the Code?

Scratch, the 212th's field medic, starts looking at his shoulder as they head back onto the transport that will take him back to his flagship, and Obi-Wan has to make an effort not to shrug off his hands.

He'll be glad to leave this battle behind.

...

Click himself comes to her rooms to inform her that "the General is back, but Scratch is dragging him to the med bay, otherwise we'll never get him in there".

Satine frowns, unable to deny the thrill of fear that shoots through her. "He's injured?"

Click's eyes are glittering like she's just confirmed something very interesting. "Would you like me to show you to the med bay, Duchess?"

"Please," she says, though she can't help but feel she's missing something essential.

Obi-Wan is sitting on the edge of a bunk, looking extremely irritated, when she walks in. "-honestly, you have several vod'e who are injured worse than I am-hello, Satine-you should tend to them first."

The medic, who must be Scratch, rolls his eyes. "So that you can sneak off and go back to not sleeping and not taking care of yourself? Sorry, sir, but no thanks."

...

Sighing, Obi stops protesting, crossing his arms. He's fine , and he's not neglecting himself by any means. He just doesn't need that much sleep these days, and if he occasionally forgets to visit Scratch with his injuries, it's only because they aren't serious.

Satine walks over to them, eyes flicking to his shoulder, and she purses her lips and shakes her head at him. "Are you alright?"

Obi starts to say yes, he is, but Scratch gives him a baleful look and answers for him. "For once, yes, he's fine. Except I'm prescribing bed rest."

"I don't need bed rest, for heaven's sake, Scratch," Obi protests. "It's just my shoulder."

"He hasn't been sleeping, you know, Duchess," his medic says conversationally, and Obi sighs again, shaking his head and looking down. Scratch always has had a knack for blowing simple things out of proportion. Now Satine is going to think he's absolutely falling apart at the seams, which he isn't. At worst he's a little tired.

...

Satine frowns, taking in the dark circles under his eyes and the pallor of his skin. "I seem to remember you having this problem before. At least you listened to Master Jinn when he reprimanded you for it."

Scratch swears, but she doesn't think anything of it until she hears another trooper say, gleefully, "Dinuir ni twenty credits, vod!"

(She wonders, briefly, what they were betting on.)

Obi-Wan makes a face, and she takes that to mean she's scored a point. "I'm a Jedi Master now, Satine. I can take care of myself."

She purses her lips, glances at Scratch. "Apparently not. Why aren't you sleeping?"

...

"Scratch is just being dramatic," Obi says, and he's going to regret that later, if Scratch's dark scowl is anything to go by. But this is all so unnecessary . "I sleep fine."

He can actually feel Scratch's irritation in the Force.

"One only has to look at you to know that's not true, Obi-Wan," Satine says with a sigh, and that isn't fair, and it's also rude.

"I'm rather offended, Duchess - I was under the impression you liked my dashing good looks." Obi rubs his beard, smiles a little. He doesn't look that tired, does he? Because he really isn't very tired except for the fact that he's just come out of a battle.

"That's neither here nor there," Satine says. "The point is that I can tell Scratch is right - you've not been taking proper care of yourself at all."

"Kriffing thank you," Scratch mutters, then looks up and cringes. "Apologies, Duchess."

...

Satine can't help but smile a little. "I'm Mandalorian, Scratch. I've heard far worse."

"Look, I appreciate the concern," Obi-Wan says finally, almost sharp, "but I have a battalion of men and the entire Jedi Council relying on me. I'm a bit short on time."

That's a terrible excuse. Either that, or it's not an excuse, and she needs to have strong words with the Council. Immediately. "Too short on time for basic human necessities, Obi? Being a Jedi hardly means you're superhuman." Her voice is like acid.

...

"Technically," Obi says lightly, "I can do a number of things that most humans can't , so I may qualify as superhuman after all." He doesn't know why he always feels like he has to argue with her, it's just a bit infuriating how often she's right.

Satine stares at him like she can't quite believe he's still trying to argue, but he's not going to just let them scold him like he's a new padawan. He knows what he's doing, and even if he is pushing himself a little hard, they're at war and that happens sometimes.

"I wasn't aware the Jedi were above the need for sleep - as I recall, that's something you still need."

"It's not-" Obi sighs loudly and pinches the bridge of his nose. The way Scratch is putting bacta on his shoulder almost feels passive aggressive , which Obi hadn't even thought was possible . At this point he might even welcome an interruption from Anakin if it just meant that Satine and Scratch would stop looking at him like that. "I'm fine , Satine, I know my limits. Trust me."

Does Scratch really have to snort like that?

...

Satine rolls her eyes, her only concession to his ridiculous statement. "Scratch, are you done with his shoulder?"

"Yes, Duchess," the medic says, a certain gleam in his eyes. "He's all yours."

That's a little more forward than she would've liked, but whatever. "Obi, come with me. You are going to show me where your quarters are and I'm going to make sure you sleep. Even if I have to lock you in there."

Obi-Wan frowns. "Satine, I hardly think that's necessary-"

"Click!"

The trooper materializes at her elbow with a disarming grin. "I'll show you where the General's rooms are, Duchess."

...

Obi-Wan finds himself trailing behind Click and Satine, swallowing back more protests because it had taken one frigid look from Satine to tell him she was thoroughly sick of him arguing. For the sake of diplomatic relations, he tells himself, he'll be quiet and go to bed and let it go. The Council wouldn't appreciate him antagonizing her.

Later he's going to have Cody put Click on 'fresher duty, because Click keeps looking back and grinning at him, and he's pretty sure it was the clone technician who brought Satine to the med bay in the first place.

Besides that, he knows his men well enough to have some idea why Scratch suddenly owes someone twenty credits and he's not pleased about it. Honestly, he and Anakin really do need to have a talk - this has gotten well out of hand.

When they arrive at his quarters, Obi pushes past Click to open his door, glancing peevishly at him. "You're dismissed, Click, thank you."

Click's smile is far too bright and interested, but he nods and salutes. "Glad to be of service, General, Duchess. You can comm me if you need anything."

"That will not be necessary," Obi-Wan says, having to work to keep a bite of irritation out of his voice. "But I appreciate the offer."

Clicks winks at him. Dear Force why are all his men like this? Obi chooses not to respond to the gesture, instead marching into his quarters and yanking his boots off. He's a little surprised, however, when Satine actually follows him in, and he's suddenly very aware that his room is little more than a bunk and a desk, the only attempt at decorating being a miserable potted plant that he was given by some Twi'lek diplomat.

...

Satine curls her lip in distaste at the barrenness of the room, but doesn't comment on it. Instead, she looks at the Jedi standing almost sheepishly in the middle of the room and says, quietly, "You have nightmares, don't you?"

He flinches, just a little, and that's enough to answer her question. "Would talking help?"

He shakes his head. "I don't think so, but thank you, Satine. I do appreciate the offer."

She thinks perhaps he just doesn't want to admit to feeling. "I understand. Just…" she glances back over her shoulder as she walks to the door, hesitant. "My comm frequency is still the same. If you need me."

And then she leaves.

...

Obi-Wan sleeps for far longer than he should, and he wakes up to a ship full of people who won't stop smirking at him. Do they think they're being funny? Because it really isn't amusing - it's frustrating, and a bit uncomfortable. Even Cody smiles at him with more mischief than is customary for him.

Obi blames Anakin, who has stayed aboard his ship with Ahsoka, ostensibly to give Satine more company than a bunch of clones and Obi-Wan himself. But Obi doesn't actually believe that reason, and it's really long past time he discussed these things with his former padawan. So he leaves his quarters and heads to the bridge, where he finds Anakin, Ahsoka, and Captain Rex holding some innocuous conversation with Satine - if he's not mistaken, they are actually, genuinely discussing whether Coruscant or Mandalore is more pleasant at this time of year. (Rex looks a little like he wants to die of boredom; Ahsoka and Anakin have much better control of their expressions than he does.)

"Look who's up!" Anakin says cheerfully, catching sight of him, and Obi sighs, smiles as charmingly as he can. "Did you have a nice rest, Master?"

"Yes, Anakin, thank you," Obi says wryly, walking over and nodding at the other three. Ahsoka is grinning at him, which isn't unusual for her, but given the circumstances he finds himself irrationally annoyed about it. "How far out are we from Coruscant?"

"Just about an hour now, sir," Rex says.

"Wonderful. I wonder if I could steal Anakin from your delightful little company?" he says, glancing at Satine. "I need to speak with him."

"By all means," Satine says, eyes twinkling a little.

"We won't miss him," Ahsoka adds.

Obi-Wan chuckles as Anakin gets up, making a face. "If I have to, Master. It appears I'm not needed here, anyway." Rex mutters nope under his breath and Obi can tell Anakin is stubbornly pretending he didn't hear.

...

Anakin follows his former Master off into another side room, smiling a little. "What is it, Master?"

Obi-Wan sighs. "I know about Rex and Ahsoka, Anakin."

Well, duh. He was there on Kiros after all. "Yeah, they're really obvious about it. Is that a problem?" If it is, he's not going to be happy.

"Anakin, you and Padme are just as bad."

What?

...

"Master, what do you mean me and Padme?"

How is Anakin this oblivious ? Obi shakes his head, strokes his beard. "Anakin, you kissed her a number of times in front of me on Kiros. I'm not blind , however it may seem to you - I've known for some time."

Anakin's expression fractures a little, and Obi-Wan can feel he's dismayed and concerned. It's an understandable reaction, although it says something very unfortunate about Anakin's trust (and lack thereof) in him.

"Why haven't you said anything before?" he asks, crossing his arms defensively and putting up shields. His best friend is nothing if not subtle.

Obi-Wan shrugs. He's asked himself the same question a number of times - why hasn't he taken Anakin to task for maintaining such an intimate attachment yet? He's tried the excuse that he's no longer Anakin's master and that doesn't hold up. He's told himself it's because they can't be so close as all that, but honestly who was he kidding with that one. Whatever the reason, he's doing it now. "It didn't seem necessary," he says, hides what a flimsy answer it is with a firm, easy tone.

"And now it does?" Anakin sounds shaky. He shifts his weight to his right foot, and is evidently trying to seem nonchalant.

"Well, someone has to tell you how obvious you're being - and I think Rex and Ahsoka would take the advice to tone it down better from you than me." He leans back a little, smiling wryly. "If I haven't reported you to the Council before, Anakin, of course I'm hardly going to do it now."

...

Anakin stares. "You're not?"

That doesn't seem possible. Obi-Wan is literally the perfect Jedi, even though Anakin teases him about Satine. There's no way. "No, Anakin. I'm not."

"But the Council-"

"What the Council doesn't know won't hurt them," Obi-Wan says, smiling a little. "But both you and your padawan should make an effort to be a bit more subtle."

Anakin can barely believe his ears.

* * *

Ahsoka is just as bright as Satine remembered her being, although there are scars covering her headtails and a thick band around her neck. There's something about the way she looks at the captain, Rex, though, that's interesting.

She doesn't bring it up, even when Ahsoka gently bumps Rex's shoulder with her own and smiles sweetly up at him. The Jedi can keep her secrets. (Even if she seems to be very bad at that.)

"How do you feel about the clones, Duchess?" Rex asks, something flickering across his face like he's bracing himself.

Satine hesitates, wondering how she can even begin to answer him. "I cannot say I approve, but I'm a pacifist. I don't approve of fighting in and of itself. I haven't met many troopers yet, just Click and Scratch. And you, of course, Rex. There's no question you are good men, yet… you aresoldiers."

She's sure Rex thinks her naive, but that's nothing new. After all, Obi himself frequently calls her idealistic and a dreamer. "Thank you, Duchess," Rex says, and looks down at Ahsoka.

It seems like they can almost communicate without words; she'd put it down to Jedi mysteries, but Rex is a clone.

...

It's concerning, in a way, that Anakin really thought Obi would report them - and maybe, if he were a better Jedi, he would have. But with the war going on and everyone reaching for happiness wherever they can find it, he thinks it would be cruel to take this away from Anakin. And he thinks there's a certain rightness to it, in the Force- maybe he misunderstands it, but nonetheless, Padme and Anakin can have their secret.

"Anakin…" he says, carefully. "I can't help but feel that I've… failed you, in this."

Anakin scowls. "Why, because I'm attached to someone?"

Obi rubs his forehead wearily. "No, Anakin, because you felt that you couldn't trust me with this. I can't help but think that's due to a shortcoming on my part."

"Master, you haven't failed me," Anakin says, of course he does, and yet there is still a distrust, a lack of communication between them, and Obi-Wan doesn't know what has caused it. And with how honest Anakin usually is (to a fault, perhaps), he can only think he's done something to make his former padawan think he has to keep secrets from him. Which is disappointing, to say the least.

...

How can Anakin even hope to explain everything to Obi-Wan? It's complicated. And that's putting it mildly, of course. "I do trust you, Master, but you're on the Council. Also, in case you hadn't noticed, you're the perfect Jedi and I'm as far from being a proper Jedi as possible."

He touches his bond with Ahsoka, sends a quick, Obi-Wan says you need to be more subtle, which gets him a feeling resembling someone sticking their tongue out. You're so mature, Snips.

I learned it from you, Master, she says back, and he rolls his eyes fondly.

Cheeky.

...

Him, the perfect Jedi. Obi can't help but laugh, wryly, almost bitterly. "I'm hardly a perfect Jedi, Anakin."

"Are you kidding, Master?" Anakin says, projecting who are you trying to fool across the training bond. "I know I keep saying Satine is your girlfriend, but somehow you've mastered the whole 'letting go of attachments' part of the Code. It didn't seem like you'd exactly understand."

Oh, Anakin . Obi knows what he should say, as a Jedi Master and a member of the Council - but he also knows what Anakin, his best friend, needs him to say, and for a long moment he hesitates, torn. "Anakin, I… Perhaps I should have told you this a long time ago." He stops, sighs. If he had actually accepted his inability to deal with this attachment, he might have spoken to Anakin about this sooner. "You of all people know how difficult it is to truly let go of attachment, Anakin. I've by no means mastered it."

Anakin feels unconvinced, and Obi-Wan takes a deep breath. He's not perfect, he hasn't let go of this connection, and that can't be helped just now. "There was a time when I would have left the Jedi Order if Duchess Satine had asked me."

He had expected to feel ashamed to admit that, but of course Anakin isn't judging him. His friend frowns, apparently hesitant to take an implied meaning from Obi's statement, which is actually very wise of him - but it would be easier for Obi-Wan to explain if he would just assume all he wanted. Anakin does always seem determined to be contrary.

...

"You would've left the Order?" Anakin finally asks, almost unable to believe what he's hearing. "But you said your only dream has always been to be a Jedi."

Obi-Wan nods. He looks very tired, and like he'd much rather not be having this conversation, but he speaks anyway. "Yes, Anakin, but-I daresay I loved her."

The first thing he thinks is I knew it!

The second thing is that Obi-Wan could never love someone, he's too much a Jedi. But. "There's no way you don't still love her, Master. I've been trying to get you to sleep for weeks."

...

Obi-Wan stiffens, his mind automatically conjuring up excuses, denials, all the Jedi phrases that he's been protecting himself with for ages. But he owes it to Anakin to be honest, so, "Maybe. I'm not… not able to put this attachment aside, like I should. I'm the last person who has the right to tell you to sever your attachment with Padme, and I don't-" It might be too much to admit, but he has to explain this to someone, once . "I don't always want to let go of my attachment for Satine. I can hardly advise you do something I have not done myself."

Anakin is almost gaping at him, and Obi sighs. He feels… light. It's strange. "So…. I'm not so far off, when I call Satine your girlfriend?" he asks, that infuriating slow smile creeping onto his face.

"For heaven's sake , Anakin!" Obi says, shaking his head. "I haven't acted on my feelings for her, not once."

"Well, that's ridiculous." Anakin looks too smug and Obi already regrets this because oh Force, what monster has he created here?

...

Anakin feels shocked and smug in the back of her mind, and Ahsoka prods the bond, curious. What she finds is enough to make a slow smile spread across her face, and she shares the revelation with Rex. "Duchess Satine," she starts, trying not to sound too eager, "what exactly are yourfeelings for Master Obi-Wan?"

Satine looks a bit affronted by the question, but there's an old pain in her eyes, and she's quietly honest when she speaks. "We spent a lot of time together for a year, when we were younger, and I-loved him. I love him still, even if he has become a soldier."

Ahsoka grins. We have feelings, Master. Now what?

Now, Snips, we just get Obi-Wan to admit that to her. And maybe kiss her, that'd be a nice touch.

Yes, but **how?** Ahsoka rolls her eyes inwardly. "What if I told you he feels the same way?" she asks, but Satine shakes her head with a rueful smile.

"Obi has ever been the epitome of Jedi values," she says, her voice soft and bittersweet. "Even if he were to return my-feelings for him, he would not act. It's against his Code."

...

Rex doesn't normally see the appeal in matchmaking - he has entered a few betting pools and he finds himself entertained by the way some of his battalion try to influence the things they're betting on. But right now he thinks the Duchess looks tired and sad, and he knows Obi-Wan is weary these days (Cody is worried). He shouldn't interfere, but he leans forward a little, but not so much that he could seem too familiar . "All due respect, Duchess, but… the General believes a great deal in his Code, that's true. But it seems to me that there may be things he thinks are more important. Protocol is just protocol in the end, sir." He probably shouldn't call the Duchess sir , but it had just slipped out. She would make a good General, if she weren't so naive - she has a sharp eye and is obviously used to being obeyed.

Ahsoka sends him an appreciative thought, the equivalent of nice work , and he leans back again, waits for Satine's response. She looks a little confused, a little hopeful, and entirely controlled. Honestly, it's impressive. Rex holds her gaze, feels like she's measuring what he said, whether it's viable.

...

Satine isn't entirely sure how to respond, but there's merit in what Rex says. She measures him with her gaze, considering, nods finally. "You may be right, Captain Rex. I suppose one should never give up hope, right?" She smiles a little, a rueful twist of her lips.

"Never give up," Ahsoka says fiercely, and it seems like she's talking about something more serious than someone's love life now.

"Indeed," Satine says, thoughtful, and she considers their words the rest of the way to Coruscant.

...

Obi-Wan can't meditate for the first time in years. He sits cross-legged and reaches for the calm of the Force but it eludes him; today the air thrums with loss and guilt and all the deaths of his men.

He lost over half of his battalion yesterday, most of another when a cruiser exploded. The Separatists still have a tight control of the Outer Rim planet they'd hoped to claim and he knows that right now Cody and the rest of his battalion are grieving the brothers they couldn't bring back.

Most of the time when this happens, he can fling himself into a project or a debriefing or a report, but he's done that already and now he's left to his own devices.

He's unbalanced and he can't focus, not with the Force echoing with all that loss of life.

There's a soft voice that tells him he should find Satine, and most times he would ignore it but he's so tired today. This isn't cultivating attachment - if anything, this will help him focus, surely. Just now the heaviness of the war and the never-ending carnage refuses to be let go of, so after a few more moments of internal debate, he gets up and tunes his wristcomm to her frequency. "Satine," he says, doesn't overthink it, "If you're not busy, I wonder if I could meet you to discuss some things with you."

She answers promptly. "Of course, Obi-Wan."

...

Satine meets him in a garden on the roof of a cozy coffee shop near the Temple. It's quiet and peaceful and the summer air is warm and soothing against her skin. Her hair is down, a rarity for her, but the gentle evening breeze feels heavenly as it stirs the pale golden strands.

Obi-Wan looks like hell.

He hasn't been sleeping well, if at all, and there's anguish and guilt thick and heavy in his eyes, though his face is as calm as ever. He appears calm and controlled as he walks towards her, but his hands are shaking where they're hidden in the sleeves of his dark robe, and that alone suggests an emotional turmoil deeper than any she's ever really seen from him.

What the kriff happened?

"What's wrong, Obi?" she asks as soon as he sits down, worried, her eyes tracing over him for any sign of injury. "What happened?"

...

What happened, indeed. Obi sighs wearily and rests his elbows on the table between them, trying to maintain his composure. It would hardly do for him to fall apart without so much as an explanation. It occurs to him this may be asking a lot of her, talking to her about how heavy he feels, but she looks concerned and he thinks she, of all people, will understand how endless it all feels now.

"You know I had a mission," he says rubbing his hand over his face. "It didn't go well, Satine." Not well means so much death, and with all that they'd still lost .

She's looking at him intently, clearly listening - she is a good listener, always has been, even if she does like a good debate.

"I lost hundreds of men yesterday. I've only just begun filing reports, and it's… too many. And all for nothing - we didn't even win." It was my fault , he does not say. He'd planned most of the assault and he'd thought it would work, but here they are.

...

Satine swallows, can't help reaching out a hand and gently laying it over the hand he's placed on the table. She doesn't quite have the courage to squeeze, or do anything else, but she hopes perhaps he will accept the comfort she wants to give. "I am deeply sorry, Obi," and she truly is. The loss of that much life is a tragedy of the worst order. "Nu kyr'adyc, shi taab'echaaj'la," she whispers quietly.

"Thank you," he says, his voice barely audible, choked with grief and pain.

And she shouldn't ask this, she shouldn't, but the question slips out anyway. "Why do you continue to fight, when you suffer so much pointless loss?"

...

Obi-Wan almost says he doesn't know . Sometimes the war makes sense, the politics of it and the dangers of the forces the Separatists set in motion, but when he's trying to help Scratch move dozens of wounded and finds he has to give the order to leave all the wounded who can't walk - then he doesn't know.

"I don't have much choice," he says. His voices scrapes more hoarse than he'd hoped and he folds his hands. "How could the Jedi ignore this kind of conflict and sit back when we have the means to help? Without us the casualties would be much worse." Even if it is sometimes their plans that cause these horrible slaughters - in this case, his own.

"And yet sometimes Jedi involvement seems to prolong the war, not help end it." She doesn't seem to want to argue, more seems to be seeking to understand - nonetheless, he doesn't want to do this now.

"Perhaps, but the war reaches us whether we want it or not, Satine," he says.

...

Satine watches him, sees the pain he can barely conceal, and shakes her head. "The Jedi could have chosen to remain neutral, as Mandalore did, as so many other systems have," she starts softly, seeking to understand. "Why did the Order choose to accept when the Republic approached you?"

"We had no choice," he says, and his voice is shaking. "Someone has been manipulating events for years, Satine. The Jedi were forced into this war. Do you think I enjoy watching my men die, knowing I am at fault?"

She draws in a breath, sickened. She hadn't ever meant to imply anything like that. "No, Obi! I just-" It's been too long since her words have failed her, and she doesn't know how to respond. "I am sorry, my dear Obi."

He bows his head, doesn't speak, and she stands and moves to the other side of the table, sits on the low bench next to him and reaches out, taking his hands in hers.

It's the only comfort she can give.

...

Her hands are soft and Obi wants to lean into her, but he can't quite allow himself to do that. He breathes out, slowly, shakily, and shakes his head. "I know better than you think how… pointless it is, sometimes." He shifts on the bench and Satine's fingers tighten almost imperceptibly around his. "My men were made to die, Satine, and that's what they did. I wanted to be a Jedi, not a General, and I don't- Sometimes I don't think it's worth it." All the thousands of deaths that have gotten them nowhere, almost. And he knows this is important, but after all morning signing reports listing the numbers of the clones who died on their mission, he just feels the burden of their sacrifices.

The Force feels so unclear . He finds loss does that.

He thinks it takes effort on Satine's part to content herself with simply saying, "I'm sorry," again. He smiles at her as best he can, looks down at her hands holding his. "Did you know any of them?"

Obi shrugs. "Not as many as I should have. Tech and Elek and Kato were in my battalion for years." They had been good friends, a comfortable group with Cody, Waxer, and Gregor before they'd lost Waxer, too.

...

He looks so lost, like he can't even see a way forward, and maybe he can't. Maybe the path out of this is clouded, unclear, to her-but the Jedi are supposed to see more clearly than everyone else. It's, well, it's not fair.

(A distant part of her laughs at the childish nature of such a thought.)

She releases his hands, but before he can pull away, she tentatively reaches out and wraps her arms around him, lightly tugs his head to rest on her shoulder. He feels tense, like he's unsure, uncomfortable maybe, but she threads her fingers through his coppery blond hair and rubs soothing circles into his back with her other hand.

"You are allowed, even encouraged, to grieve, you know," she murmurs.

...

Obi is frozen, for a moment, feeling like he should pull away but not wanting to. He chooses not to move, instead trying to relax. Yes, grieving is allowed, and important, but Obi has never found himself able to mourn without becoming lost and unbalanced. It's better for him to simply move on and release the pain into the Force.

(Except it never quite goes and he thinks if he looked he'd find he still hasn't even faced Master Qui Gon's death.)

"I… Yes, thank you." He slumps, rubs his forehead with one hand, and tries to just breathe. When the clones have time to mourn their brothers, they take a moment to be silent and remember them, so Obi tries to imitate that for the men he's lost - it's just that he knew so many of them and he begins to lose track of the names.

"My dear Obi," Satine says softly, and her fingers come to rest against his temple and cheek. He should shrug off her hands, apologize for this whole thing, and go meditate until he doesn't feel any of this anymore except as a distant echo. He does not, though. He can't. And there again is his great failing as a Jedi, that he can't just let it go .

...

Satine gently strokes her fingers across his cheek in a slow, rhythmic motion, hoping to soothe away some of the pain he carries with him. It doesn't totally work; she can feel he's unsure, not entirely allowing himself to relax into her, to accept the comfort she can give, but that's alright.

He's a Jedi, after all. Even this is more than she'd expected, and she already knows she'll treasure this memory forever.

(She swallows back the words she wants to say, once again, just like she always does; now is not the time. She's not sure there ever will be a time when she can tell him she loves him and not have him flee.)

So instead she murmurs, "It wasn't your fault," because she knows he's blaming himself for this.

He always has.

...

"I appreciate that, Satine," Obi says, sighing heavily. "But it was. I made the plan for that attack, and it was my mistake entirely. Believe me, I wish it wasn't."

"Obi…"

He doesn't think Satine understands, and he doesn't need her to, it just is what it is.

"You don't always have to win, Obi-Wan," she says quietly. "You can't ."

"I know," he answers. "But if I don't, my men die." That's the truth of it: losses mean heavy casualties with no gains, mean Cody talks less and less, mean Obi-Wan has more and more nightmares. He can't afford to fail his men. "If war is always pointless, like you say," he says, and he really doesn't believe it is, not most days, "losses are worse." He thinks he expects her to blame him for the carnage - how can she not, doesn't she always?

...

Satine closes her eyes, doesn't know what to say. What can she say? She's always lashed out at him, blamed him for things beyond his control, because she's angry and frustrated at a galaxy that can't seem to understand, at peacekeepers who no longer just keep the peace. But none of that has ever been Obi-Wan's fault; he's a stellar fighter and brilliant strategist, but before this war she'd never known him to think with his lightsaber.

She's been unfairly hard on him, and she's afraid maybe he's begun to believe there's truth in the words she'd so carelessly spoken in anger. "You cannot save everyone, no matter how hard you try," she says quietly, resting her hands on his shoulders, pushing him back enough she can meet his gaze. "You save who you can, do what you can."

He drops his eyes. "I gave the order," and his voice cracks. "I ordered Scratch to leave the wounded who couldn't walk behind. Satine, I swore I would never leave a vod behind. My men trusted me and I betrayed them." Something shifts, then, and when he looks up at her again his eyes are broken. "As a Jedi, I am called to protect! Everything I have done, I've done in the service of a cause greater than myself: the calling to defend the innocent, to cherish life, to keep the peace. But what do I do when keeping the peace means abandoning everything else?"

There's so much anguish in his voice. She wishes she could take it all away-but she can't, she can't even say anything to make this better, because she doesn't (can't) know the answers he needs so desperately. "I don't know," she says, her voice breaking. "I really don't know."

...

They don't call him the Negotiator for his diplomatic missions, he's known that for a long time, and it still stings that he's famous throughout the galaxy for his ability to kill. And this time he'd left some of his own to die and he wonders if it was really necessary or if he's beginning to not care . That's too much to consider, and he's really let this go on long enough, indulged his emotions long enough, so he pulls gently away from Satine's hands and pushes himself to his feet (that shouldn't be so difficult). He needs to meditate, at least try.

"That's alright, Satine - I hardly expected you to." He wishes his voice didn't sound so hoarse and shaky. "Perhaps it would be wise for me to go meditate."

He starts to turn away and she suddenly reaches out, catches his wrist. "Obi-Wan." His entire focus shifts to that single point of contact, the gentle sorrow in her voice. For a moment he doesn't know whether to tear his arm away (it's self-preservation more than anything) or stand and wait, listen.

...

Satine closes her lips around the words she wants to say, struggles to come up with something that fits, that isn't too forward. "Obi…"

She sighs, stops, because what point is there? He's not going to listen to her, and no matter what Captain Rex had said, he won't return her feelings. He's too much a Jedi.

"How have you been, Satine?" Obi-Wan asks quietly, though he doesn't pull away.

She shrugs a little. "I miss Mandalore," she admits. She misses the lyrical cadences of Mando'a and the easy beauty of Sundari. She stands, slips her fingers from his wrist to twine through his own. "I miss you, Obi-Wan. I wish you would come back more often."

...

He makes himself smile at her, leaves his hand in hers (whether he should or not). "I know. I'm trying - I," this is fine to say, surely, "I miss you too."

Satine smiles, steps closer to his side and to Obi, it feels right. What a cruel trick, he thinks, and tightens his grip on Satine's hand quite without meaning to. He feels so alone . The Force, which used to feel like a friend, before this war, is not guiding him today and he's so tired. There are more reports to sign detailing the deaths of all his men - and the reports don't go to families or people who care, but to some file on Coruscant. What's the point, he thinks, and although he still knows eventually this will pass and he'll remember why he's fighting, today is not that day.

"I am tired , Satine," he says heavily, shaking his head. It's not something he can admit to his men or even, probably, to Anakin.

...

Satine swallows. It's rare of Obi-Wan to admit something like that, and she squeezes his hand tightly, hoping to help at least a little. "I know," she says.

He looks so defeated, so lost, and she feels her heart breaking for him-for the man of peace forced to become a hero of war. "You carry a heavy burden, Obi," she whispers. "But you don't have to do it alone. I have-loved you always, and I always will, though my feelings will never be returned. If ever you need anything, you only have to ask. Whatever is in my power to give you, I will."

...

Her feelings, never returned. If she only knew - If she only knew, Obi-Wan would have made a terrible mistake, pushed himself to let go of a Code he's followed for years. Never mind that Anakin somehow claims allegiance to the Order but is still in a relationship with Padme, never mind that Ahsoka and Rex are doing the same thing - that's them. He's on the Council , he can't be like them.

He smiles softly at her, dips his head. "Thank you, Satine, I-" That's not good enough at all for what she's just said to him, and he sees she's disappointed, saddened, and she has just promised so much.

Though my feelings will never be returned.

That just isn't true. She is so often on his mind, and here he is telling her things he's never admitted to anyone, and she thinks… "Never is a strong word," he says, staring at the ground because he's afraid to look at her. "Satine…" He wants her. "You know I would've left the Order for you, and I… I am not as strong as I should be."

...

She cannot allow herself to hope.

"I never would have asked that of you," Satine murmurs. "The Jedi are your life, and you've always wanted to be a Master. How could I have asked you to give that up?"

She wants him. But she must content herself with this, with the little she has now, because to reach for more would be to lose this and she cannot. And maybe she's a bit more bitter about it than she should be, but she tries to keep that out of her voice when she continues. "Don't give me false hope, Obi-Wan. I have accepted my fate."

It's more painful than you realize, she wants to say, but she doesn't. Because that's just bitterness, and not truth. She thinks he probably does realize.

...

When she slips her hand out of his, something in Obi-Wan desperately pleads for her to come back, not to leave him by himself again. He wants to reach for her but to do what? He can't give her false hope, she's right - but he wants her and everything is so heavy and alone and he's tired of losing everything.

He doesn't know what to do or say, because this attachment is forbidden and he can't be like Anakin and Ahsoka in this.

He remembers the Light and joy of the Force on Kiros and the way something about Anakin and Padmè being together has always felt right to him, and the Force finally seems to answer him, and he could swear he feels something like comfort, certainty.

He shouldn't, but he reaches out and grabs Satine's arm. Listens to the Force, even though he must be wrong about what he hears and he'll regret this later. "Satine," he says, turns her to face him, feels his heartbeat pounding painfully in his chest. "I've never been able to stop loving you. I tried, I wanted to be the Jedi I was supposed to be, but I- I'm not. And I still love you." He doesn't know what he wants with her but he knows right now all he wants is for her to know that he isn't indifferent, isn't emotionless.

...

Satine can't let herself hope, but she has to meet his eyes, to see. And there's so much in his gaze, all the words she'd thought he could never say, the emotions she'd thought he would never let himself feel.

It's too much.

She can feel herself pulling back, shutting down a little, trying to understand; a part of her knows that's the wrong response, knows he'll take it the wrong way, so she tries to clamp down on the instinct. Words are important here.

Her heart begs her to close the distance between them, to reach out (to steal a forbidden kiss while she has the chance). Her mind tells her she cannot tempt him. She closes her eyes, caught in the battle. "If my nearness is causing you to struggle, I should go," she whispers finally.

Logically.

But she is Mandalorian, hot blooded and emotional, and her heart will not be denied. So, though her words call for distance, she presses closer to her Jedi, slides a hand around the back of his head to bring his forehead to rest against hers.

...

For a moment he's afraid she really means to go, to reject what he's said, to misunderstand why he's said it. But then she comes closer, slips her hand into his hair, and he's frozen because part of him is exultant because he really has wanted this but part of him can't believe it's happening, that he's letting it happen. She rests her forehead on his, her other hand coming to rest on his shoulder.

And he knows he shouldn't indulge any of this but the Force is settled warm and Light in his stomach and Satine's eyes are so bright and it's the easiest thing in the world to reach up, tangle his own fingers in her soft blond hair, and tilt his head to kiss her. And he's a little clumsy, and a lot scared she'll pull away, but her fingers tighten on his shoulder and she actually laughs a little, like she's surprised, and then she lifts her face so they can kiss better and he's never done this before, ever, and he can't help but wonder why not.

It's not a long kiss, or even (he suspects) a particularly good kiss, but Satine's eyes are sparkling and some of the heaviness in his chest has eased and he smiles despite himself.

"Your beard scratches," Satine says coolly, leaning back a little.

"Oh, my apologies, Duchess," he retorts, raising an eyebrow. "Is that really what you're concerned about right now?"

...

"Yes, in fact," Satine says, but her eyes are (too) bright and she knows she's not convincing him. "I told you to shave that ridiculous thing off. It hides too much of your face." And she runs her fingers through said beard, lightly cupping his jaw in her hand.

"Well, I happen to quite like my beard," Obi-Wan says, almost affronted, and she can't quite help it: she laughs.

"We do seem to find ourselves at odds rather frequently," she observes, and stars but his eyes are glowing and he looks happy and she really wants to kiss him again. (She's wanted to do this for over a decade.)

But this goes against everything he believes and she's not sure, doesn't know what this means. "Indeed we do," he says softly, smiling down at her, and it's almost too much.

Satine pulls away abruptly, feeling the joy turn to ashes in her stomach. "I can't do this, Obi-Wan," she tells him, doesn't look at him (knowing the hurt on his face will utterly break her). "You won't allow yourself this, and I cannot-it's not fair to me," and her voice breaks as she struggles to explain. "Don't kiss me unless you are willing to stay."

There are tears in her eyes for some reason. She swallows them.

...

Obi can't pretend that's not a reasonable thing for her to say. She's probably even right. He's indulging himself now, pretending he can just… have this. But he knows it's because he's tired and lost and lonely. He shouldn't have ever said anything to her, because now she'll be hurt and he'll be guilty. He can't promise her he can stay, can't just do that.

But he wants her, and right or not, it's all he can do not to just kiss her again, make whatever promises she wants if she'll just smile again and he doesn't have to see her walk away. And Force , she looks hurt and exhausted, and she won't meet his eyes, and he just wants to hold her but he can't make a promise , not now. Not when he's unbalanced. He makes himself pull back, tuck his hands into the sleeves of his robe, and looks down. "I'm sorry, Satine," he says softly, tries to just let it go. Just forget it. There is no passion, there is serenity . "I want to stay, I- That was cruel, I know. I'm sorry. I can't… I have to know I won't regret it, if I'm going to stay." Force he just wants to stay with her but he's so lost right now and he shouldn't have done any of this the way he did.

...

Satine swallows convulsively, takes a shaky breath. "I understand," she says.

(She doesn't.)

This is, she thinks, just another way for him to refuse without actually telling her no, as though he thinks this will hurt less-when, in fact, it hurtsmore. She's tired and hurt and she misses him, misses the closeness they'd had in the year they'd spent together, before he'd realized that what he felt was love. He says he wants to be sure.

She knows him well enough to know that surety will never exist.

He's a Jedi, and he cannot let go of his Code enough to love.

"I am sorry about the men," she tells him, doesn't quite meet his gaze, too afraid to see what lies within. (Afraid to see nothing.) "I'm afraid I must depart, but you know how to reach me if you need me. Goodnight, Obi. I… I did mean the promise I made you."

And she turns, then, slips away, and she tries not to feel like her heart is still on the rooftop.

* * *

Anakin can already tell something's wrong with Obi-Wan, just by the way his former Master's mind feels almost… disorganized.

Obi-Wan Kenobi is never disorganized.

The second clue is when he arrives at Padme's apartment to see a tired Satine Kryze leaving, tearstains on her ivory cheeks.

"What the kriff happened?" he asks his wife as soon as they're alone (after greeting her with a thorough kiss, of course, because he does have priorities).

Padme sighs, closes her eyes for a moment, takes a deep breath. "Obi-Wan kissed her. And also told her he still loves her." Anakin thinks he can see where this is going. "But he wouldn't commit to anything, and he didn't stop her when she left."

"So what you're saying is that I need to have a talk with him," he says, taking her hand and following her to their bedroom.

She smiles. "Ani, we'd be terrible friends if we let the two of them wallow in misery like this-but it can wait until tomorrow. Tonight, you're mine."

He doesn't dispute that; after all, he'd learned long ago not to argue with his Senator.

* * *

The next day, Anakin seeks Obi-Wan out in the Temple. Both of them are on a rare leave, but the 501st is scheduled to head back out later that day, so the window of opportunity is slim indeed. His former Master is holed up in his quarters with a datapad, probably reading. Obi-Wan is always reading.

"Anakin," Obi-Wan says, sitting up with a warm smile, setting the datapad aside. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Anakin smiles (he doesn't think his Master will be doing much smiling once he answers the question). "To Padme, actually, Master. Your girlfriend had a chat with her yesterday."

He's expecting the typical almost-sharp denial, but instead Obi-Wan just looks away, something like pain crossing his face as he says, quietly, "She's not my girlfriend, Anakin."

...

Why can't Anakin just leave well enough alone? Obi is so tired . And he's sure he can guess what Padmè and Satine "had a chat" about and he doesn't want to talk about it with Anakin, because he knows what his padawan will say.

"Master, I don't understand ." Anakin sits down next to him, frowning, and Obi-Wan sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose. "You told her loved her and then you just let her leave?"

" Yes , Anakin, that's an excellent summary of what happened," Obi snaps.

" Why? "

Obi-Wan doesn't even totally know why he did any of it. He's just worn out and he'd been lonely and lost sight of the point of it all and now he doesn't know what he wants. "I don't know, Anakin, because attachments are forbidden? Because I can't just break the Code and betray what I believe in?" He hopes he doesn't sound as bitter as he feels. "Not everyone can just dismiss that like you and your padawan."

"But why would you tell her, Master?" Anakin presses, frowning. "If you were just going to change your mind?"

" I don't know ," Obi hisses. "You know what happened, half my battalion died, and I left behind my wounded, and I was upset and I… I don't know."

...

This is far, far more serious than Anakin had realized.

"Look, Master," he tries, frowns a little, "if she loves you, and you love her, I don't understand what the problem is. You're just hurting both of you by refusing to-" refusing to what? What even is the word for this? Obi-Wan has clearly accepted his feelings for Satine, and even admitted them, and… "You kriffing kissed her, Master, come on!"

Obi-Wan sighs, closes his eyes. "I know that, Anakin, I was there."

The sarcasm is out in full force. This is bad. "Please just listen to me, Obi-Wan," Anakin pleads, leaning forward. "You hurt her. She was crying."

Obi-Wan's eyes open, and he stares at his one-time Padawan with sheer anguish in his eyes. "Don't you think I don't know that? Anakin, she asked me to stay, and I can't-I can't just turn my back on one of the central tenets of the Code I've lived my whole life by!" His chest heaves with more emotion than Anakin has ever seen him show.

"But… Master," Anakin starts softly, "what if the Code is wrong?"

"Not this again, Anakin," Obi-Wan starts, but Anakin cuts him off.

"No. Let me finish. Master Yoda is always talking about the will of the Force, and how meditation is essential for a Jedi because that's how we divine the what the will of the Force is," which is absolute bantha-shit in Anakin's opinion, although maybe that's just because he hates sitting still for that long. "And, anyway, that the will of the Force should be primary directing force-" ha, ha, "-behind what we do." Which is part of why this kriffing war makes no sense. The Jedi shouldn't be fighting a war at all, much less for the Republic. Politically, this will forever ruin their unbiased third-party impartiality so many worlds and systems and species and governments seek out in mediation. And the Force doesn't seem to even wantthis war. … but that's a tangent, and he needs to stay focused. "Do you remember the way the Force felt on Kiros?"

Anakin doesn't think he could ever forget the Lightness, the warmth, the rightness of that night. The Force had sang as he spun his wife around the square, had exulted in the way Rex kissed Ahsoka under the light of the stars; Anakin is fighting a war against his soul, against the horrible anger and rage and Dark he tries so, so hard to box up in the back of his mind (he wants more, and he shouldn't, he's not the Jedi he should be), but for that night, laughing and singing and spinning to the ebb and flow of the music, he'd felt balanced.

...

"I remember," Obi-Wan says, quietly. It had been the first time in years that the Force had felt truly Light and good and alive - Obi remembers when he was a youngling and the Force always felt that free and clear. It had made sense to dance, to revel, to permit and ignore what he normally wouldn't. He hadn't been drunk but there had been so much energy humming through his veins, so much elation, that he might as well have been.

He'd almost felt like the Force approved of it all, of the closeness and love and passion, and he can't forget that, although he thinks that can't have been right .

"The Code would say that was all wrong , Master," Anakin says fiercely, and Obi frowns and shakes his head a little, automatically, because that's not what the Code means, it's just-

There is no emotion, there is peace .

There is no passion, there is serenity .

The dance under the stars on Kiros had been brimming with passion and joy and love , but harmony, too, and a depth of peace that Obi had almost forgotten. Balance . He doesn't know what to say to Anakin about that, because he knows the rules about attachment and what the Code says about emotion but… He doesn't know.

"What if it was?" he says, miserably. It had felt right but he doesn't trust himself on what feels right just now, not after how disastrously it's all turned out with Satine.

Satine . It hurts to think about her, how cruel and unthinking he'd been. And yet he can't bring himself to totally regret it, not all of it. He should, he thinks, but he doesn't. But he can't have that , not unless he's sure.

"The Jedi made the Code," Anakin says. "Because they thought they knew the will of the Force. But maybe they're just wrong about what it is."

"Wiser men than us made it, Anakin," Obi-Wan says sharply. "Just because we feel we know better doesn't mean we do . We have to have some larger authority than our own judgement." He remembers Yoda telling him and his class, when he was just an initiate, that the Force was to be their guide, that if they learned to listen to it, they would know what to do. Well, Obi doesn't know and he feels like the Force isn't communicating with him anymore, not properly.

...

And once upon a time, Anakin would have agreed. Part of him still does (he remembers people don't always agree and then they should be made toand that sounds an awful lot like a dictatorship to me), but that's not an infallible system. "So we blindly follow everything these wiser men say? Sounds an awful lot like slavery to me." A pause. "Why don't you ask Rex and Boil and the survivors of Umbara how that worked out for them, Obi-Wan?"

And Obi-Wan flinches. "Krell was different-"

"Krell was a Jedi Master!" Anakin shouts, standing, feels the familiar rage rising up in him-he clenches his fists, grits his teeth, turns away for a moment, struggling to master his emotions. "The point is," he finally manages, taking a deep breath, "if we don't question our teachings and our teachers, even our doctrine, we'll stagnate, we'll never grow or change, we-we might as well be battle droids!"

Why can't Obi-Wan, the rest of the Jedi, why can't they see? The Jedi are just… stuck. Hells, Master Yoda's been Grand Master for how many centuries now? He realizes, abruptly, that this is why politicians usually have max terms of service, because no matter how good you start out, eventually things will just get stuck, because-

Because there's no change, because even a system that works perfectly needs new blood, new minds, new ideas. And a corrupt or broken system with only one person with any real control (that sounds an awful lot like a dictatorship to me) can get stuck in endless debates and-

Oh, kriff. Kriff, kriff, kriff.

Obi-Wan's saying something, but Anakin can't hear over the sudden roaring in his ears. The blood drains from his face and he stares down at his hands, eyes going wide. What has he done? For the Republic, for the Senate.

For the Chancellor.

A corrupt or broken system with only one person with any real control can get stuck in endless debates instead of doing what's necessary for the people.

"Anakin?"

No. Oh, no. He can't be right.

"Anakin, you should sit down. Is something wrong?"

He jerks his gaze up to his Master, breathes out, "What if someone exploited society's tendency to stagnate without new input?"

He remembers Padme complaining about all the new bills being introduced, bills that just seemed like fancy words hiding reasons to prolong the war; telling him about how no one had even tried to sign a treaty with the CIS Senate, and the Chancellor had never even suggested it. Remembers the war dragging on and on and on, and no one even knows what the point of any of this is anymore, remembers half the Separatist worlds not even wanting this war.

Remembers always two there are, no more and no less, and Dooku with a red blade.

But he can't, he can't, this can't be true. Can't be. The Chancellor is a good man.

"Anakin, what are you thinking?" Obi-Wan asks, soft and concerned.

He almost opens his mouth to let everything spill out, but-the Chancellor has been there for him when the Jedi weren't, has always believed in him. (The Senate voted more emergency powers to the Chancellor today, Padme says with a heavy sigh, tilting her head up for a kiss. And, coincidentally, the first thing he did was force yet another bill prolonging the war to pass. I don't **like** it, Ani, it doesn't make sense.) He can't say anything, not yet, because if he's wrong… and they would know, they would feel it in the Chancellor's Force-signature…

(The Sith have techniques the Jedi have no knowledge of, a voice whispers. The fabled Jedi foresight has gone silent. Master Windu can no longer see shatterpoints. The Dark Side clouds everything.)

"Padme says the war should've ended years ago," he starts, careful, "but bills keep getting passed that just make it keep going." He can't quite give voice to the whispers in his head-the part of him that's so good at strategy that tells him this war would never have happened without someone on each side, the voice that says, if you wanted to be a dictator, to have absolute control and power, the surest way is to make stability worth more than freedom. Obi-Wan is a strategist. If any of these… speculations, these instincts, actually make sense, Obi-Wan will figure them out. "She says it doesn't even seem like any of the Separatist Senate wants this war, except for a few worlds, and that if we tried to ratify a treaty the Separatist Senate would probably disown Dooku and the droid army."

The Chancellor is a good man. Isn't he?

...

Obi-Wan has no idea where these questions are coming from, why Anakin suddenly looks shaken to the core, why his thoughts are a sudden mess of suspicion and fear - and while he won't deny he's glad Anakin seems to have left the subject of Satine and the Code and whether it's right or not behind, Anakin's questions worry him. "It's easy for people to lose sight of their principles during wartime, Anakin," he says wearily, knows how true it is of himself and even the Council. "Sometimes without their knowing it. It's possible - highly likely, even - that many of our Senators don't want peace as much as they claim, but would much rather have retribution for everything the Separatists have done in this war. You remember when a peace treaty was almost arranged with the Separatists and they bombed us - plot or no, people won't soon forget that."

Anakin doesn't look appeased, at all - Obi-Wan nudges their bond, hoping for clearer answers, a better idea of what his former padawan is thinking.

"What if…" Anakin swallows, shakes his head, and Obi can feel his uncertainty about what he's going to say. He tries to project encouragement, understanding, a promise not to judge. "What if the war hasn't ended because… because someone needs it to keep going?"

Obi-Wan frowns, rubs his beard. Any number of people always profit off of war, he's learned that much - politicians, the banking clan, merchants, arms dealers, smugglers, bounty hunters. Most concerning of those would be the Sith - war is chaos and hell and disaster, everything that feeds the Dark Side. It would make sense for the Sith to work to keep this war going. "It wouldn't surprise me if someone were, Anakin," he says, carefully. "Why, what are you considering?"

Anakin still doesn't look at all certain, but Obi knows that rarely stops him from acting. "The Chancellor keeps getting more emergency powers," he says. "The longer the war goes on, the more they vote to give him, but the war still keeps going. If he was really using those powers to try to stop the war, wouldn't things have gotten better by now?"

"Are you suggesting that the Chancellor is trying to prolong the war for his own gain?" Obi says, can't totally keep the shock out of his voice. The idea is unlikely, at best - Sheev Palpatine has been one of the most vocal supporters of ending the war since it began. (But words are easy, Obi knows that, and politicians aren't exactly known for their honesty. Even well-loved men like Sheev.)

"Yes," Anakin says.

"But to what end ?" Obi asks. If Palpatine were not the Chancellor, if his connections and pursuits weren't watched so closely, he might be more inclined to listen - with a small, inconspicuous Senator, he might suspect connections to smugglers or weapons manufacturers, but someone would have found that out about Palpatine years ago if that were the issue.

"The best way to keep the Republic from noticing its loss of freedom is to make them feel safe," Anakin says, and alright, that makes sense , but why? "If he wanted-"

Anakin's wristcomm pings, and Obi-Wan frowns, wants to tell him to ignore it, but of course they're at war and that's unwise. Anakin holds up a hand and answers the comm. "Yeah?"

"Sir," it's Rex, "we've received a call for backup from General Windu on Cato Neimoidia. They're being overrun and they need us, now."

"Copy that, Rex, thanks," Anakin says, and his voice is tight with frustration.

Obi-Wan sighs and nods. "You should go."

"Yeah." Anakin hesitates, and Obi waves his hand.

"We can discuss this when you get back, Anakin, but this is priority, of course."

His former padawan nods shortly, turns to go, then stops. "You should at least think about what I said, Master. About Satine, I mean."

"Yes, of course," Obi sighs. He's sure he will think about it, far more than he should, like he does most of the things Anakin says. Apparently satisfied, Anakin leaves, already snapping orders into his wristcomm. Obi-Wan picks up his datapad again, an unsettled feeling in his stomach. Nothing feels clear to him anymore.

...

Satine has to admit she feels better after talking to Padme-her good friend often has that effect. She returns to the apartment she's calling homeuntil the threat to her life has passed feeling resolved to pretend the encounter never even happened.

And she does well for the first few hours, but then evening comes and she can't stop thinking about the way Obi-Wan had kissed her, the way for that brief moment everything had felt right, before it all just crumbled down. She'd known it couldn't last, that he wouldn't stay. So-so why does it hurt so much to be proven right? It shouldn't hurt. She should just… pretend nothing ever happened, go back to the familiar fighting, but-

But to hear that he's loved her for so long, that he still does, and then to have that yanked out from beneath her feet hurts worse than anything has since she'd had to say goodbye to him after that first year. And kriff, but she's crying now, thinking of those days, remembering the ease of their relationship back when he was just a padawan, before he realized what he felt was love and forbidden.

The hardest part of all of this is that despite the fact that she knows it will only cause her pain, such pain, she also knows she cannot cut her Obi-Wan out of her life. She needs him too much to do that.

No matter how much it hurts in the end.


	2. Chapter 2

Everything feels like it's spinning out of Obi-Wan's control, has felt that way for days. There are so many secrets and mistakes and things he doesn't know how to fix, so at the very least when Anakin asks him to help him go help Ahsoka, he knows what to do . Of course he has to go; he cares about Rex and Ahsoka and this is all a mess and the Council has more or less settled for inaction.

He wishes his thoughts didn't immediately go to Satine. He's just leaving on another mission, it's not as if he needs to tell her every time he leaves, it's just… this feels important, and he hasn't had a real mission since the disaster that was his last one, and he doesn't want to leave without saying something to her, or at least making sure she knows he'll be back .

That doesn't make any sense, but nothing does lately and he hasn't spoken to her in the week following… following their conversation and he finds he misses her much more than he should, and meditating doesn't do anything to help.

But he can't go talk to her himself. He wants to, but he thinks she's still hurting and he thinks it would make it worse for him to go to her just to tell her about a mission. (He doesn't trust himself at all.)

So he finds Click, who he's noticed likes to try to talk to Satine when she's actually around, and pulls him aside to ask him for a favor. "Click, I need you to find Duchess Kryze and explain this mission to her, please. Just so she knows what's going on." She is, after all, a diplomatic guest and this is a very serious issue, diplomatically and politically and, and- all of those things.

"Yes sir," Click says, saluting, although Obi can tell he's a little confused. "All due respect, General, but why?"

"Because she should know why myself and Anakin and Ahsoka are all gone," Obi says. "She's a Duchess, Click, she likes to stay informed."

"Right." Click nods, doesn't look convinced, and Obi-Wan swallows back a swear. "I'm on it, sir."

"We're leaving in twenty, Click, so don't be long," Obi adds, keeping his voice light. Really, though, he wishes he could go to Satine himself and explain how confused he is, everything that's happened with Ahsoka and Rex and their attachment and how he doesn't like how the Council handled it all and how he's afraid they've alienated Ahsoka and Anakin and the 501st past repair.

But he will not, cannot do that to Satine, always pouring out his worries to her and avoiding her all other times, always making her think there's hope when there is none yet. So Click can tell her, and he hopes she understands that's as close as he can come to confiding in her himself.

...

Click frowns a little at the General, shrugs, turns away and hurries off. He's going to have to hustle to make it in time, but he'll get there. Commander Tano is good people, not to mention kriffing Captain Rex. He's going to get back in time to be here for them.

The Duchess is surprised to see him, and a bit worried, he thinks, though she greets him warmly. "Click, come in. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Click does come in, but declines her offer to sit down, though he pulls off his bucket so he can meet her gaze. "General Kenobi sent me," he says, and her gaze sharpens. Of course it does. "There's been… a problem."

"What kind of problem?" the Duchess asks, frowning.

Click sighs. "Captain Rex was taken to Kamino for reconditioning, even though the Jedi Council didn't think it necessary. His relationship with Commander Tano was found out, and GAR protocol says reconditioning. It's kriffing stupid, but…" He shrugs. "The General says Tano went after him with her squad-" He stops, noticing the perplexed look on her face.

"Rex and Ahsoka?" she says, after a moment, raising an eyebrow. "I suppose that makes a certain amount of sense. Ahsoka's squad?"

Right, she's not military, she won't know. "Not officially, but they're mostly 501st veterans. Rex, Fives, Jesse, Kix, Tup, Dogma, and Tuck. I guess they stole a ship." He's actually pretty proud of that. Who would've thought the Commander would have the-well, actually, this is serious enough to warrant theft. "Anyway, Skywalker and Kenobi are going after them, with the 501st and the 212th."

The Duchess raises an eyebrow. "Is this officially sanctioned?" she asks, and Click can't help it-he laughs.

"Kriff no, Duchess, this is Skywalker we're talking about!" She probably doesn't understand, but… "I overheard him and Kenobi on the comms. The Council's choosing not to act."

She frowns, tilts her head to one side. "What is reconditioning, Click?"

Click swallows, looks away. "Wipe his memory, wipe his armor, reassign him," and his voice is monotone as he recites the list. "The Kaminoans take everything, leave you just a number again, and they don't even tell you what you did to deserve it." He tries not to think of Jet, tries not to wonder what happened to his vod, his batchmate. (He's not very good at not thinking.) The chrono on his wrist says the ship is leaving in ten minutes, and he swears. "I've got to go or I'll miss them, sorry Duchess."

The Duchess swallows, closes her eyes, takes a deep breath. "Click, tell me honestly: how dangerous is this?"

Well, that's a loaded question. "I'm not sure," he says carefully. "We might have to fight every damn shiny and cadet on Kamino. Might not." He tries to ignore how pale she's gotten. "I'll look after him, sir. Keep him from doing something stupid. And I'll comm you, or make sure he comms you, as soon as we're back."

"Thank you, Click," the Duchess breathes, and then he has to run, so he snaps out a salute and leaves.

...

Cody finally puts him down once they're in the med bay, and Obi reminds himself that's good, he didn't want to be carried, because standing is so hard and his head aches and the Force hurts a little when he reaches for it. Cody stays close to his elbow, hovering like he always does, and Obi barely stops himself from snapping at the Commander. He's fine , he just needs space (and he wants to sit down, or better yet, sleep, but something is telling him he can't yet).

Ahsoka is stable, he thinks, or at least stable enough that he can let Scratch worry about her; Anakin's sticking close to her, eyes anguished, and Obi thinks he should go talk to Anakin except when he tries to take a step towards him Cody grabs his elbow. "Just kriffing slow down , General," Cody snaps, and Obi swallows. Everyone is rushing around, prepping bacta tanks and IVs and bundling the wounded into bunks and it's making him dizzy.

"I'm fine , Cody," he says, as coolly as he can, brushing Cody's hand off his arm. "Stop worrying so much." Something still feels off , still needs his attention, and he can't feel the Force well enough to know what it is until his eyes land on Kix, lying on a bunk with Jesse still whispering things to him. He gets an impression and realizes Kix is still in serious danger, more than Ahsoka is now. He starts towards the senior medic, pulling his arm out of Cody's reach. If he just uses a little more healing, he can make sure Kix is at least stable before they put him in bacta.

"The kriff ," and Cody takes him firmly by the shoulders and pushes him to sit down on an empty bunk, and Obi-Wan scowls, shrugs his hands off.

"Kix needs me, Cody."

"The medics will take care of him. Kriffing stay down , sir."

The medics won't be able to fix everything that's wrong with Kix, Obi feels it in his bones, so he goes to stand again, only for Cody to stubbornly shove him back down. "If I don't try this, he's going to die. Now let go of me. That's an order ."

Cody doesn't step back, and it takes Obi too long to realize that's because Scratch has vehemently shaken his head, and the unofficial rule stands that the medics are always the highest ranking when it comes to the injured. "Scratch!" Obi snaps, and kriff his head hurts . "He's going to die if I don't help."

...

Satine is half-asleep when Padme comms. "Satine, wake up, they're back."

She scrambles for her comm, rubs her eyes and yawns (it's late and she's tired). "Where-"

"The Temple medbay," and that's not good, not good at all. "They've got injured, it's not good, Ahsoka is-not good. We need to hurry."

Padme doesn't have to say it twice; Satine jumps up, runs a brush through her hair and throws on the first dress her fingers find. She takes a taxi, meets Padme outside the Temple-the other woman looks scared, and Satine can barely breathe. "What happened, Padme?"

The Senator shakes her head, starting to walk into the Temple at a fast pace. "I don't know, Ani isn't saying, there's just-fear and pain and exhaustion."

She takes a careful breath, doesn't speak as they thread their way through the corridors, finally making it to the medbay. The scene within is-brutal. Chaos. She's not sure what to call it.

Medics rush back and forth, shouting out orders, and there are multiple stretchers out-she sees Ahsoka lying still and pale and small on one, too many blaster wounds marking her body, and Captain Rex on another, unconscious with one arm in a sling and his other arm heavily bandaged. Anakin is pacing, tense with his hands clenched together behind his back, taking forcefully controlled breaths, his fear and pain rolling off him in waves, and he's bracketed by several men with their armor painted blue. Most of them are sporting blaster wounds and as of yet refusing to allow any of the medics near them.

A few men in orange armor (she recognizes Scratch, the medic) are also running around, and someone is moaning in pain and she doesn't know who he is but she traces the sound to the barely-conscious trooper lying on a bunk with another trooper sitting on the edge of the bunk talking in a soft voice.

It makes her sick.

This, all of this, is why she hates war so much, why she hates violence; she's sick of the sound of sorrow and pain and fear. She'd heard and seen enough of it during her year on the run during the last Mandalorian civil war. She'd felt it enough when her father and mother and brothers were executed in front of her, when one of the Deathwatch executioners pulled off their helmet and she found herself staring into the eyes of her sister.

Satine vaguely realizes she's stopped just inside the door, frozen; her hands are shaking and she can't quite breathe right and she thinks she might be sick. "Satine?" Padme asks softly, and she takes a deep breath, tries to calm herself, forces her eyes open.

"I'm alright," she murmurs, swallows. "Just-memories."

Padme nods, offers her a sympathetic smile and squeezes her arm, before leaving to go see Anakin. He needs her, Satine thinks.

Obi-Wan is sitting on an empty bunk, glaring up at Commander Cody, and as soon as she notices that fact she can hear the argument the two of them are having. "Let go of me. That's an order," he snaps out, and Cody looks to Scratch, who shakes his head. "Scratch! He's going to die if I don't help."

Cody shakes his head, says, "You can't even stand, sir."

Obi-Wan looks mutinous. "I can too," he says sharply.

"I had to carry you off Kamino!"

"I ordered you not to do that," and Satine swallows, starts towards him because she can't-she can't do this, she can't stand here and watch.

"Yes, and I told you opinion noted. You almost collapsed."

"Can you just trust me, Cody? I know my limits-"

"You've already overextended yourself," Scratch is saying, and then he looks up and catches sight of Satine. "Duchess, thank the little gods, the General won't listen to us and I have enough to worry about without trying to keep him from killing his fool self too. Kriffing Jedi and their self-sacrificial tendencies," and he looks like he's trying not to panic.

Satine can't quite look away from Obi-Wan. "What happened?" she breathes out, because this is so much and it's all awful and she can't even imagine what could've happened to cause this.

...

Obi can't help a surge of heady relief on seeing her, hearing her voice, and it's all he can do not to reach for her. Seeing her makes him suddenly, intensely aware of the sights and sounds that are the aftermath of a battle, blaster wounds and groaning and crying and normally strong men lying limp and unresponsive. And this is all worse.

"I don't even totally know myself," he says wearily, glances over at Kix again, the bandage on his head. The medic is a Force-sensitive, which is strange enough to think about without even beginning to consider his injuries, the injuries of his brothers.

Satine shakes her head mutely, follows his eyes, and he goes to stand again because he has to help Kix and maybe Satine will understand where Cody doesn't.

Cody grabs him by the shoulders again and Obi swears . "He needs- Satine, I can feel if I don't help Kix he'll die. I can't just let him."

It occurs to him that Satine should leave, that she shouldn't have to see all this, that it's all still too raw and she has to be horrified. He himself feels like he's choking on the sheer weight of the pain and fear in the Force. But he's too exhausted and selfish to tell her to go.

...

Satine hesitates, glances at Scratch, who's staring pleadingly at her; she lowers her voice, says softly for his ears alone, "I'll keep an eye on him," and the medic nods gratefully and rushes off to another bunk. Then she steps up to the bunk, puts one hand on Cody's pauldron. The commander immediately steps out of the way, and she studies Obi-Wan's face for a moment before sitting down next to him and placing one hand on his shoulder. "Obi, you need to care for yourself."

He shakes his head, and his eyes are almost wild, begging her to understand. "Satine, he-I already pulled him back once, if I don't help him now it'll be for nothing, the medics can't and Anakin is awful at Force-healing." He's almost shaking.

"Easy, Obi," she soothes. "I don't doubt you, but you cannot heal him yourself right now. You look exhausted."

He shrugs a little, closes his eyes. "I am," he admits, and his voice is so small and it tears at her heart.

She doesn't want to let Kix die, any more than he does, but what can she do? She can't let Obi-Wan burn himself up even more than he already has-

But what if he doesn't have to burn himself? "Obi," she says, and he opens his eyes, looks down at her again. "Can you use another person's energy?"

He shakes his head, then winces. "No-well, yes, but I have to have a Force bond with them, and the only person I have one with is Anakin. And he's tired enough already."

She's not entirely sure what a Force bond entails, but she does know she'd made a promise that she would give him any help he asked for, and she meant that. "I'll do it," she says softly.

...

"No." Obi is clear about that, although part of him says softly that it could save Kix and he could have a part of her, always. However, he's sure she doesn't know what she's asking. "Just let me go heal him, Satine. I'll be fine ," and he will, just… it will hurt. But he's not going to create such an intimate connection with her for his own convenience, because that means afterward he'll either have to break it or else keep it and be reminded of the attachment he can't let go of. (He doesn't consider the idea of what would happen if he decides… if he decides he can have her.)

"No," she tells him, and he weathers a pulsing wave of pain in his head. "You need to be careful, Obi."

"I am," he says, shivering. "And I can take care of myself." He has to get to Kix and help him, so he stands, manages to get all the way to Kix's bunk before Scratch and Cody notice. Satine hurries after him.

"Obi-Wan. You need to sit down, you're not strong enough to do anything like this."

"He needs me," Obi-Wan insists, and Jesse looks up at him with a tired, pleading look on his face.

Obi-Wan needs to do this, then he can collapse, let everything catch up to him.

...

Satine does not want to let him do this. He's swaying and barely even upright, and his face is so pale and drawn and she can tell he's in pain. Why won't he just kriffing let her help?

"Why are you so damn stubborn?" she asks him softly, and sighs. "Sit down," and she pushes lightly on his shoulders, forcing him to either fall or sit on the bunk next to the trooper. "Fine, do it, Obi-but the instant I pull you away, you have to stop. Understand?" She's not going to let him burn himself up over this.

A voice heavy with sleep catches her attention, and she looks over at the trooper-a medic, judging by the insignia on his armor-in the next bunk. He's blinking slowly and frowning. "What is it with kriffing Jedi and kriffing giving themselves Force burn?" he grumbles. "Kriffing Jedi. At least Kix and the Commander didn't have much of a choice."

Satine thinks she privately agrees with him.

"I don't have a choice either, Tuck," Obi-Wan says simply. "Unless you want me to let Kix die."

Tuck flinches. "Kriff, no, sir. I just-wish we would've never gone to Kamino," and he's shaking. "Please, General Kenobi, General Skywalker-Commander Tano-they'll both never forgive themselves if we lose Kix."

"What happened, Tuck?" Satine asks quietly, catching the medic's attention.

He shakes his head slowly. "Too much, Duchess-you're the Duchess of Mandalore, right? Fives is telling everyone you're his-" and he nods at Obi-Wan "-girlfriend. I think there's a betting pool open-kriff, what did Scratch drug me with, I did not mean to say any of that."

"I'm not his girlfriend," Satine says quickly, very carefully does not look at Obi-Wan.

"Could've fooled me," Tuck mutters, and then, "Kriff, I want to go back to sleep."

Obi-Wan's eyes are closed, now, and he's reaching out to Kix, a look of intense concentration on his face. She watches him closely (can feel Cody glaring a hole through her), ready to pull him away the second she sees him falter.

...

Obi rests his fingers on Kix's forehead and takes a moment to listen . Almost immediately he's struck with an intensity of pain like hot iron pressed to his skin and it takes most of his considerable self-control to keep from gasping and yanking his hand away. He presses into the pain, sensing that Kix is clinging desperately to Jesse's voice in his ear.

"Jesse," he says, aware his voice is strained, "keep talking. He's listening to you."

Then he reaches for the Force, and that's beginning to hurt, and the power doesn't respond right away - it's a warning. He commands it as he's always been taught, grabs tight to its energy even though it's beginning to cut his hand, and directs it toward Kix, to the wounds that are still too deep and too vital, to the fraying corners of his mind.

He senses the moment the healing is enough , but he keeps reaching, keeps repairing, even though a tiny voice is telling him stop , until it hurts enough that he can yank his hand away, stop reaching for the Force. He curls his arms around his stomach, trying to focus and stay upright, but he's so tired suddenly and he burns and he's very glad to be sitting down. He doesn't quite realize he's pitching forward until slender hands catch his shoulders and he blinks, struggles to meet Satine's eyes.

"I told you," he says hoarsely. "I can take care of myself." He thinks he might have groaned and hopes he didn't; then she'd know how much it all hurts and he doesn't want her to - he's not sure why.

...

Satine purses her lips, tries not to respond with sharpness, even though that's her instinctive reaction to the fear pulsing hotly just beneath her skin. Obi-Wan is sagging against her hands, his eyes unfocused and vague, and when he speaks his words are slurred together, and she swallows, eases him carefully back to lean against her shoulder.

"If this is taking care of yourself," she says quietly, "I can see why Scratch doesn't like you."

He swears faintly, and she can't help a small surge of amusement, because he's always been so careful not to swear too much around her, like she's some delicate Core-world noblewoman and not Mandalorian. "Can you stand, Obi?" she asks. "You need to get back to your bunk before you can sleep."

He shakes his head, barely, and groans faintly-which indicates to her that he's in serious pain, because he so rarely shows any outward signs of pain. "I'm fine, Satine," and he's still slurring his words and she sighs.

"Pardon me, Obi-Wan, but that is utter bantha-shit and you know it," she snaps out, and she stands carefully, slipping her arms under his and lifting him to his feet. He wavers, staggering and swaying against her, and she struggles to support his weight; thankfully, Cody is right there, dropping his shoulder underneath Obi-Wan's other arm.

"Thank you, Duchess," Cody says, voice low and worried, and she nods at him.

"Of course."

...

Walking is so difficult and Obi-Wan knows, vaguely, that it shouldn't be. He's definitely overextended himself - Master Qui-Gon would scold. He breathes slowly, tries to fall into a bit of a meditation because he knows that will help, but his head aches and the med bay is still full of talking and crying and pain and focusing is almost too much of an effort.

Cody's armor is digging into his arm, so he's relieved when the Commander lets go of him and he can sink onto a bunk. He works not to just collapse , smiles at them both. "Thank you," he says, and starts to say something else but Cody puts a gauntleted hand on his chest and pushes him to lay down. Obi wants to struggle, on principle, but he's so tired and something tells him he has to rest, has to try to sleep.

He doesn't think he'll be able to, not with all the pain and fear washing over him from everyone in the med bay, but it just feels good to lie down and not have to think .

...

Satine watches Obi-Wan for a moment; he doesn't really struggle much when Cody pushes him down, and he just… lays there, watches her, and that shouldn't be as worrying as it is. She hesitates for a moment before grabbing the blanket rolled up at the end of the bunk and shaking it out, lightly spreading it over Obi-Wan and tucking the edge beneath his chin. "Go to sleep," she breathes, ghosting the fingers of one hand over his cheek, through his hair (she shouldn't, but she can't quite help herself).

His eyes flutter closed at her touch, and though she can tell he's not entirely asleep she doesn't push, just withdraws and turns to find Scratch and Cody watching her, inscrutable. (And damn it, but she has a feeling someone has been betting on her again.) She nods at Cody, turns to Scratch. "I know quite a bit of basic field medicine-it was useful during the Mandalorian civil war. Is there anything I can do to aid you and your medics?"

Scratch nods, looks pathetically relieved by her offer of help, and she thinks he looks like he's drowning in all of this. "Can you disinfect and clean out minor blaster wounds, apply bacta patches and bandages?" he asks, and she nods, offers him a bit of a smile.

"Of course."

Scratch directs her to a handful of men in blue-painted armor (she's figured out by now that this specific blue is the 501st's color) and one trooper whose armor is just plain white, which she doesn't quite understand. He shows her the supplies, pats her shoulder gratefully, and rushes off again, back to Ahsoka's stretcher.

The huddle of troopers just look at her as she approaches, and they shift to protect the one in the plain armor almost without thinking about it-she wonders, vaguely, if they even know they're doing it. "You're the Duchess," one of them finally says, looking up from the floor just long enough to see her face before staring down at his feet again.

"Please, call me Satine," she says quietly. "Which of you have blaster wounds I can look at?"

There's a moment of shuffling, and then another trooper says, "Brii does."

"I do?" the one in the white armor-Brii, apparently-says. "Tup, what do you mean, I didn't get shot- ow, what was that for!"

"That," the trooper named Tup says grimly, "was me smacking your shoulder on the blaster wound."

"Oh."

Satine can't help it, she smiles. Now she sees why the men were all protecting this one-he's rather adorable. "If you could remove your upper body armor so I can look, that would be helpful."

Tup starts pulling armor off Brii's back and shoulder almost before she's finished speaking, and Satine readies the alcohol solution, the gauze and antiseptic, the bacta patches, and she pulls a pair of gloves on and prepares to lose herself in the familiar motions.

* * *

By the time the controlled chaos of the medbay has settled and the men are all in bunks, it's long past midnight; Satine is unsteady on her feet and her hands are cramping-she'd ended up being drafted to assist Scratch with stitching a few nasty wounds, due to the fact that she has very steady hands and experience with this sort of thing. She really should go back to her apartment, or at least find somewhere in the Temple to stay, but Scratch might need her again at any moment if something goes wrong and she's unwilling to leave the men she's been tending and Obi-Wan is asleep on a bunk and the thought of walking anywhere makes her want to groan.

But all the bunks are full of wounded, and she huffs out a sigh. She's not going to be actually sleeping, though, just… resting for a few minutes, and she finds herself standing in front of Obi-Wan's bunk without meaning to. He's sound asleep and she can't help but smile because he looks peaceful, the lines on his brow smoothed away. It's nice to see him like this.

She sits down on the edge of the bunk, watches him for a few more minutes; but she keeps yawning and her eyes feel like sandpaper and her head hurts and so she lays down next to him, can't keep herself from resting her hand on top of his where it's sitting atop the blanket. She lets her eyes fall closed, sighing a little.

She'll just rest, just for a few minutes…

...

Waking up is painful. Obi doesn't want to open his eyes, doesn't want to be awake. He curls in on himself a little, automatically, his head aching , and he slowly becomes aware that there's another body in the bunk with him, pressed against his side. Now that he's paying attention, he senses familiarity, knows that it's Satine, so he opens his eyes.

The bright white lights of the med bay blind him for a moment, and he winces, but turns his head to look at the woman lying on the bunk next to him, angled towards him with a small frown on her face. He can feel a kind of anxious energy from her but doesn't pry towards its source - he has no right. Still, she looks unhappy, lying there tense and shivering a little. He doesn't know what to do; he wants to hold her, but some thready, diminishing voice reminds him he cannot .

He almost doesn't care. That doesn't seem important right now.

Satine's breath hitches softly in her throat, he sees tears studding her lashes, and he senses pain and loss and he doesn't want to let it continue, so he swipes the tears away from her eyes and then shakes her shoulder, gently, rubbing his thumb against the soft material of her dress.

"Satine," and kriff his throat hurts. "Satine, wake up."

She does, slowly, bright blue eyes blinking open and not focusing. "Obi?" she says, and Obi knows he won't forget the sound of her voice, heavy with sleep and unguarded, saying his name.

"Are you alright?" he says gently.

...

Satine doesn't know where she is, at first; she can't reconcile the bright white lights and narrow bunk with the rough field hospital of her dream (a long, wide tent, rows of thin cots, men and women screaming and moaning and crying in pain; they're low on everything, medics included, and she learns how to stitch a wound and set broken bones and pop joints back into their sockets), and the only thing she really knows is that this is neither her palace in Sundari, nor her Coruscant apartment.

And she's not alone.

At first, the only thing that registers is a familiar voice softly calling her name, and she blinks, murmurs, "Obi?" because for a moment she's back on Mandalore, under the protection of a Jedi Master and his young Padawan.

Where is she?

"Are you alright?" he asks, and his voice is scratchy.

She frowns, and then memory comes rushing back and she remembers the medbay, Anakin and Obi-Wan and Ahsoka and so many injured troopers, and she lets out a soft breath, relaxes into the bunk. "I'm fine," she says, deliberately evens her voice out to hide all trace of pain and horror and sorrow. (One of the warriors who has sworn allegiance to her has a broken leg, and it's started to grow back wrong; they're too short on pain meds and anesthesia to give him any, and he screams when she re-breaks his leg and sets it properly, sobbing and choking and thrashing against the ties holding him down to the bed.) Clearly, she'd fallen asleep on accident, and she's taking up his bunk-and he needs to rest more, still. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude," she explains, and reluctantly (she's still tired) she pushes herself to a sitting position.

There are bloodstains on her dress, mostly on the sleeves, and dark crimson stains her hands-she stares at them, tries to will them to stop shaking. (It doesn't work.)

(Shrapnel from an explosion has embedded itself in a woman's thigh, dangerously close to a major artery, and blood spurts through her fingers as she tries to keep pressure on the wound with one hand, the other hand carefully teasing the shard of metal out of the muscle.)

...

She's back on her guard so easily , so fast, and Obi starts to sit up and quickly regrets it, lays back down, because that makes his head spin dizzily. Satine looks a mess, and he recognizes the look in her eyes from years ago, exhaustion and pain, a ghost of long ago losses shadowing her face. "It's alright," he says, reaches for her hand but stops himself short. "What's wrong?"

She shakes her head a little, although he can tell she's hesitating. "It's nothing , Obi-Wan," she says gently, which is such a lie because he can still see tears on her lashes. She gets up off the bunk to go and Obi forces himself up onto one elbow and reaches out, grabs her slender wrist. Ow . Moved too fast.

"Satine…" he says, sighing. There's blood on her wrist and fingers that she apparently didn't take the time to wash off and he rubs at it, tries to blink himself more awake and aware. He doesn't want her to leave - for her sake, mostly, because he knows how this has all affected her, but the bunk also suddenly feels empty and he doesn't want to be alone.

...

Sometimes, Satine forgets how well he knows her-and it's frustrating, at times like this one. Okay, so it's not nothing, but she's intruded on his peace long enough and she needs to check on the men, on Scratch and Tuck, who have been performing surgeries ever since Scratch ascertained her to be sufficiently skilled to handle the minor (and some of the more major) injuries without help. They might need her, or the men might, and-

She's surprised when Obi-Wan reaches out and catches her wrist in one hand, turns her hand over and rubs his thumb over the bloodstains, surprised enough to freeze; she snaps herself out of it after a moment, tries to breathe out her emotions and hide behind the familiar-as-breathing politician's mask.

He frowns at her, and she huffs out a sigh. "I'm fine, Obi. I need to check on the troops-"

"Satine," he says again, almost sharply, and she furrows her brow. "You aren't fine."

She raises an eyebrow at him, twists her free hand into the skirt of her dress to hide the way it trembles. "Oh, really?"

"You're crying," he says, very quietly, and she can't help it-she lifts her hand to her cheek, feels cool droplets trickle over her fingers.

"Oh," she murmurs inadequately, dropping her gaze to her damp fingertips. That's funny, she doesn't remember starting to cry-she very rarely allows herself to show such emotion outside of her private rooms.

...

Obi-Wan finds himself wanting to brush the tears off her cheeks himself, but he can't even really sit up . "Talk to me, Satine? Please?"

"There isn't much to talk about," she says quietly, but her lips are trembling a little and he knows she needs him and that's a new feeling in many ways. He doesn't let go of her wrist, although he knows he'll have to if she really insists on going. "I just had a bad dream, Obi-Wan. This has been a… difficult night." He just notices the tiny crack in her voice, the way she swallows and tugs a bit on his hand.

And it's so familiar because this is what she always does, what he always does, and he wishes just this once she wouldn't. Everything is in chaos and his head hurts, but she shouldn't have to just walk away and pretend she's alright. She's woken from one nightmare into another - he knows better than most how that feels. She listened to him when he lost most of his battalion and she promised to help him and she is here now even though he… even though he has let her down too often and too carelessly. "I know. I want to listen and help, if you'll let me," he says, tracing his thumb over her wrist again. "You know I'm here for you."

...

Satine swallows, doesn't trust herself to speak around the lump in her throat. She wants to lay back down next to him, to curl into his side and spill out how this entire thing reminds her too much of Mandalore, of having to watch so many warriors die for her; it's so pointless, this whole thing, all these men in so much pain and for what, for what cause? She wants to say this is why I cannot fight, because she has seen the pain and chaos and destruction violence and war cause, experienced it firsthand, and it's not worth it.

But…

But Obi-Wan needs rest, and she-she cannot trust herself around him, and beyond that how can she let her guard down with him now, when she knows he will turn away once again, as soon as he is rested and thinking again?

"I appreciate the offer," she says, smiles as best she can at him, even though she knows he'll recognize the smile she uses to hide her true feelings, and she gently pulls her wrist from his hand. "But I will be fine," and she really will, she's only had the one panic attack, when she'd first entered the medbay, "and I need to check on the injured."

She makes herself turn away before she can see the expression on his face.

...

Obi-Wan should just let her go, should lay back down and try to go to sleep and pretend the bunk doesn't feel empty and cold, but something is telling him that's not right . He grits his teeth and pushes himself upright to a sitting position before he's entirely sure how to stop her (and it's the Force, he thinks, that makes him feel like he knows what he has to do, with a clarity that's been missing for years, even at the best times). "Satine," he says, clear and quiet, "Stay. Please?" The Force hums rightness , certainty , and he doesn't for a second doubt that it's Light he feels in his bones, that what he's doing is good .

Satine goes stiff and still, the lines of her shoulders and spine all tension, and Obi wants to ask again but something tells him wait . So he does, keeps himself from reaching out for her again since she'd pulled away, centers himself in the Force as best as he can.

When she finally does answer, her voice is taut and strained and he knows why, knows that's his fault. There should be more guilt there but the Force is still communicating purpose and that makes it easier. "I can't , Obi," she says, and that does spark anxiety in his stomach, and he shifts in the bunk so he can reach for her arm - but she moves out of his reach and won't look at him.

"I understand," he says, and his voice still scrapes in his throat but that's not important . There are words he thinks he should say but he's hesitant, doesn't trust them; he reaches for more of the Force, for more answers , although it makes his head hurt. He gets an impression of the dancing on Kiros, of a pattern and a cycle old as the galaxy, and the words make sense , burn a little where they rest heavy in his hands.

"I understand, but Satine- I'm certain." The Force hums at that, heavy, and he lets out a soft sigh, suddenly relieved. "I'm not confused, or tired, or- Well, I am those things, I suppose." He smiles a little to himself. "But not about this. So please stay."

...

Satine is in the middle of stepping away from the bunk (he understands, and she knows he does, that's the hardest part of it all) when he speaks again, and she can't help stopping, waiting to hear his words, because she's always treasured every single word he's ever spoken to her.

I'm certain. I'm not confused, or tired-well, I am those things, I suppose, but not about this. So please stay.

(Just a little over a week ago, he'd told her he couldn't say anything, couldn't promise anything, until he was certain he wouldn't regret it.)

For a moment, she can't even breathe.

"I-" she starts, and then her voice cuts out and she closes her eyes, struggles to get a full breath. It's almost too much; she can't really believe he's actually saying this. He has always held his Code to be the highest authority.

Part of her wants to flee, to pull away in confusion and hide until she can understand, but the Duchess in her has tempered that instinct for years and she's not about to allow it to take over again. Another part urges her to reject him again, to keep walking away, because she cannot willingly rip her heart out again. It hurts too much.

But-but she wants this, has wanted it for years, and she's exhausted and trembling and vulnerable, and living in a nightmare, and she may be strong but she is Mandalorian, she has never had Jedi self-control. So she turns back towards him, slowly, though she can't quite bring herself to meet his eyes. (He's sitting up and he really shouldn't be and that's her fault.)

"Why now?" she asks, barely a whisper, nearly inaudible, and she keeps her gaze focused on her hands.

...

Obi takes a moment to think about that because he senses it's still important , what he says. He thinks it started on Kiros, under the stars, with his conversation with Anakin and with the feeling that it was right when he kissed her and with how much he had missed her afterward. And when he saw how the Council reacted to Ahsoka's closeness with Rex and how she left the Order for him but still hasn't lost herself… He's not totally sure, but there's something newly steady and balanced about the Force that tells him he's been wrong , and he thinks (with some trepidation) that Code has, perhaps, been flawed. He sighs, smiles at her and wishes she'd look at him.

"Circumstances have made me aware that there was a flaw in the way I viewed attachments," he says, carefully. "The Force has been clouded, and it's…" He stops, frowns. It's not anymore. He'd hardly noticed, but there had been that massive shatterpoint and everything has felt better since, clearer. He'd known more easily than normal how to heal Ahsoka and Kix, and the Force is communicating so readily . "I believe that perhaps… the Code does not reflect so much of the will of the Force as I thought, and I don't expect you to understand, but this feels like the right path, now. I've been… unsure, for some time." He swallows, twists his fingers in the blanket. "I've been wrong , Satine, and I'm sorry."

He wants her to come back and sit down with him and be close , but he's not sure she will. He'd pushed her away before, has done that too many times, and he would understand if she turned away still and left, because she has no reason to expect that this time will be any different. The idea of that hurts , and he's afraid , but the Force lends him a thread of peace, of patience (as it has always done), and the fear doesn't choke him like it so easily could.

...

Satine can hardly believe her ears.

Obi-Wan, apologizing? For following his Code?

"I think I can honestly say I never expected to hear you say that," she says, slowly, carefully, trying to put her thoughts in some semblance of order. She's afraid, she realizes: afraid of getting too close, of being hurt again. But-but isn't this what she'd been asking him for? For him to stay?

She has to look at him, to meet his eyes even though she's afraid of what he'll see in her gaze (her tight emotional control is all in shambles, and in the back of her mind she can still hear warriors screaming). He holds her eyes, steady and certain, but she realizes that he's afraid, too. Afraid of rejection? "I don't…" and she stops, closes her eyes, takes a deep breath. "I'm not sure I understand," she admits, finally, opens her eyes, and she takes a careful step back towards him. "But I-have been waiting for you to say something like this for… a long time."

He smiles a little at her, and she takes another breath, trying to swallow the nervous apprehension in her stomach, and crosses the last of the distance between herself and the bunk, slowly sitting back down. She's not sure what to do, what to say, so she just drops her eyes to his hand where it's twisted up in the blanket.

...

Obi hadn't realized how nervous he'd been until she actually looks at him, speaks, and comes back and his stomach drops and he can't quite breathe . She's avoiding his eyes again, but he thinks that's okay.

"I know," he says quietly, and he untwists his fingers from the blanket and reaches for her, curls his hands around hers between them. She looks back up at him, quickly, still searching his face like she expects him to still change his mind. "I do love you, Satine. I think I always have."

He wants to comb his fingers through her hair and lean in for a kiss, to make up for lost time, but he isn't so sure yet that she wants him to. Besides, this is about her, and there's still blood on her hands and tear stains on her cheeks, so he waits.

Suddenly he feels like he has time .

...

Satine swallows, takes a deep breath. It feels strange, forbidden, to shift closer to Obi-Wan and lean her head against his shoulder, and she can't quite keep herself from expecting him to pull away at any moment. Still, she draws comfort from his closeness, and she closes her eyes. "The-everything just reminded me of the war," she murmurs, knowing he'll know what she means. "Helping the medics treat the warriors fighting for my name."

She lets out a shaky breath. "It's just… hard to relive." If anyone understands that, it's him.

Obi-Wan lets go of her hand, and for a moment she tenses, thinking he's going to pull away, but instead he wraps his arm around her and tucks her against his side, pressing his face into her hair. "Waking from one nightmare straight into another," he says softly, and she nods, just a little twitch of her head.

"And-you scared me, Obi," she admits, "burning yourself up like that. I wish you would've let me help. You've gotten so-careless, like your life doesn't matter."

...

"I am not careless," he says lightly. "I merely do what has to be done. And accepting your help would have meant- a bond is very personal and hurts to break. You didn't know what you were asking." He had made the most logical decision available to him, considering how dazed he'd been.

"And yet you so often put yourself at unnecessary risk because you think it's your only option, Obi," she says quietly, and he sighs. He isn't reckless or suicidal like she seems to be implying.

"Satine, I'm doing the best I can."

"I'm sure you are," she says, but the way she looks at him is still concerned and doubtful.

"I'll be alright," he says quietly. "I know I say that often, Satine, but I am fine."

...

Satine thinks that she and Obi-Wan have very different definitions of fine. But what can she say? It's not like he'll listen to her. Still, she can at least try to do what she can to make sure he doesn't work himself to death. "You should sleep more," she tells him, soft. "If you're going to overextend yourself regularly, you need to at least try and sleep."

Obi-Wan smiles at her, little more than a wry twist of his lips. "I do try. Most of the time."

What does that mean? "Most of the time?"

He shrugs a bit-she can feel his shoulder lift under her cheek. "Sometimes it's wiser to just… not."

(A part of her wonders what he sees, those nights, if he does try.)

Satine hums a bit of an agreement, stifles a yawn, leans a bit more into his side. "Still," she says, closing her eyes again. She doesn't think she's slept for very long; her internal clock tells her it's sometime in the early morning, still, and the sleep she did get has done little to help the exhaustion dragging her down. (Not that the environment is helping much, either, but there's not much she can do about that.) "You have to be careful, Obi."

...

"I'm always careful," Obi says, smiling a little. That's more or less bantha-shit and they both know it, but it puts a small smile on Satine's face, anyway. She looks so tired , and Obi's head hurts , and he thinks they should both lay back down and sleep. Still, he finds himself oddly afraid to suggest it, because he doesn't think she'd quite meant to fall asleep with him before and this is all so new . So he decides to simply lay down himself, and let her decide if she wants to join him or not. (She's staying, so maybe.) "If it's alright, Satine, I'm going to take your advice and go back to sleep," he says lightly. "Perhaps you should do the same."

He avoids the fact that he suddenly feels very nervous as he shifts and lays back down (and kriff , the second he does, the pain in his head intensifies and he swallows back a groan), tugs the blanket back over himself. He's cold.

Satine hesitates, just a moment, then she sighs and swings her legs up into the bed, lying down almost gracefully and reaching for the blanket. Obi can't help an excited smile because this is… this is so good , so safe and right. He doesn't quite have the courage to put his arm around her like he wants, but he does take her hand and thread their fingers together, press his forehead to hers. "I'm sorry you had to come see all this," he says softly. The disaster on Kamino, what little he knows of it, has left Anakin's men in disarray and he's worried for Ahsoka and Kix, most of all. If this has made him feel sick and horrified and afraid, how much more so her? At the very least he thinks he understands there was a purpose to it, thinks maybe something good can come out of this.

...

Satine closes her eyes, lets out a shaky breath and curls into him. "Ahsoka is my friend," she murmurs quietly. "I am… worried for her. What happened, Obi? I don't understand-this is all so pointless. The medic, Kix-he still might not survive, and what for?"

She has always been compassionate-that was regarded as a fatal flaw, among the old class of Mandalorians, and it's always been a part of her hatred of war and violence. So many innocent lives lost, so many ruined- it has always hurt to think about.

And now her friends are in danger of dying because of this war.

She just wants to understand.

...

Obi hums thoughtfully, tucks his free hand under his pillow, trying to get more comfortable. "Click told you why we left originally," he says, and Satine nods. "Ahsoka was just supposed to rescue Rex and leave again, and Anakin wanted to leave to help her, so I agreed to go along. But then there was…" How to explain a shatterpoint to her? "We sensed something in the Force, something important . We got there and had to fight through to Ahsoka and Kix and their squad, who were all injured, and, well, you saw, with the bandages on their heads. If I understood correctly, the clones all have biochips in their brains that can take over if someone activates them with a trigger word or phrase. In their case, it was an order to kill Jedi, any Jedi, I believe, but… It seems they all attacked Ahsoka."

Satine looks stunned and a little angry, and she pulls his hand to her cheek, fingers tightening in his.

"I think Ahsoka believes the orders are meant to wipe out the Jedi, which I suppose… makes sense. I hope now that we are aware of it we can stop it."

"They attacked her?" Satine breathes, and Obi sighs, understands the sharpness in her eyes. "Who would design something like that?"

"I've been wondering the same thing," he says, loosening his grip on her fingers so he can trace her cheekbone. "I suppose I just mean… Satine, I think that at least this means we can stop something like this from happening again."

Satine closes her eyes and sighs, long and slow, and Obi has a sudden urge to kiss the small crease between her eyebrows, but he doesn't.

...

"Who would want to destroy the Jedi?" Satine asks, softly, almost unable to comprehend the enormity of this. "And in such a vengeful way-this screams revenge to me, Obi. Forcing the men who have served under their Jedi for years to kill their Generals and Commanders? The betrayal is…" and she shakes her head, voice trailing off, because she can't even think of the words. "Horrendous."

"We have yet to find the Sith Master," Obi-Wan says, very quietly. "Anakin had-suspicions, he was telling me about them before he was deployed to Cato Neimoidia. We never had the chance to finish our conversation."

The Sith… Obi-Wan speaks of the Sith as though this kind of plan is the usual for the Darksiders, and she frowns. "Obi…"

"Yes, Satine?"

"Why do you think Maul intended to move on my planet?" and she opens her eyes. She wants to see his face.

He flinches, just a little. "I-I think for revenge," he breathes, slowly, painfully, and he closes his eyes. "Revenge against me. Killing you just because he knew it would hurt me would-" He stops, shakes his head. "It doesn't matter."

It kind of does, but she's not sure she should push him on this.

...

Obi-Wan thinks if Maul stole another person from him, he wouldn't be able to take it . And that isn't right, so he tries to immerse himself in the Force and release it, but the Force doesn't let him . He sighs and hangs onto Satine's nearness, tries to be as controlled as he can.

"You can talk to me about this, if you need to," she tells him, gentle, and he nods.

He can't let this out, the pain that still twists and burns when it shouldn't , when he should have released it a long time ago. The anger that burns hotter and deeper that wants to see Maul really, irrevocably dead. And none of that is right and he doesn't want to admit to it but he doesn't know how to let go of it. "Thank you, Satine. Another time, perhaps." It's late now, and they need to sleep, so he leaves his hand in hers against her cheek and closes his eyes, tries to settle into a meditation. Sleep is hard for him, lately - he's had so many nightmares since Kadavo and his undercover mission that he feels too afraid to go to sleep most nights.

It helps, Satine being here, her warmth making it easier to ignore his fears. And the Force is still brushing harmony and certainty against his thoughts so it feels natural to shift closer to her, to slide his hand out of hers so he can curl his arm around her shoulders and hold her .

"Go to sleep, Duchess," he says, as snarkily as he can through his drowsiness. "It would hardly do for you to collapse from exhaustion tomorrow."

...

"It already is tomorrow, oh my wise Jedi," Satine snarks back, nestling closer to him and smiling a bit. It feels nice, here; Obi-Wan's arms around her feel safe.

"Semantics," he grumbles back, and his voice is heavy with exhaustion.

The smile on her face grows a bit wider, and she laughs drowsily. "Is that all you can come up with, Negotiator?"

There's no witty retort, like she's expecting; instead he pokes her side, where she's ticklish (and that is so unfair) and orders, in a vaguely General-ish voice, "Shut up, Satine."

She's still laughing when she falls asleep.

...

"Sir? Sir, wake up, please."

Obi doesn't want to wake up, but the voice is unfamiliar and insistent and that's enough to get his eyes open. The voice belongs to a Temple guard with an uncomfortable look on his face. Obi-Wan is suddenly very aware of Satiine curled into his side, asleep, while his arms still wraps around her shoulders. Reluctantly he lets go. "The Council requests your presence immediately." Obi feels Satine stir and shakes her the rest of the way awake.

"Why?" he asks - surely the Council is aware he's somewhat busy.

"Your input is required - we must decide what to do with the former Chancellor."

Obi blinks, rubs his eyes. Surely he's just tired but he thinks… " Former Chancellor?"

"He's been arrested," the guard says patiently. "It appears he's a Sith Lord."

Obi gapes like a fish, can't help it. "The Chancellor ?"

He remembers the suspicions Anakin was mentioning, and suddenly it all makes sense .

...

Satine shakes her head. Surely she must be misunderstanding. "You cannot be serious," she says slowly, stares up at the guard. "The Jedi would've seen it long ago-"

And then she stops, ice settling into her veins. "Padmè told me," she breathes, "the Senate voted him the emergency powers and his first act was to authorize the creation of the Grand Army of the Republic."

The clones.

Who all have chips in their heads.

Shavit.

Something else occurs to her, and she frowns. "Isn't Count Dooku a Sith as well?" She reaches for Obi-Wan's hand, squeezes tightly, knowing he'll need the comfort.

The Temple guard just looks more and more uncomfortable. "Yes, sir. It appears the entire war has been a long con-"

"The best way to keep the Republic from noticing its loss of freedom is to make them feel safe," Obi-Wan interrupts, nods. "Anakin brought that up to me a few days ago. It makes sense, now."

The guard shifts. "So will you come, sir?"

Obi looks like he's about to say yes, and that's not acceptable. The Council can deal without him. "No, he won't," Satine says sharply. "Not until he can walk without falling over."

Kriffing Council is a huge part of the problem, she thinks; no wonder Obi is running himself dry. Well, that ends now. She's not going to let them take advantage of him anymore.

...

Obi frowns, pushes himself up on his elbows. "Satine," he says impatiently. "Don't be ridiculous - of course I'll come." His head aches as soon as he moves, but he can hardly just lie here and ignore the Council when something this serious has happened, and part of him doesn't think they'll make the right decision if he isn't there.

"You can't even sit up without it hurting, Obi-Wan," Satine says fiercely, and Obi scowls because that isn't quite true and the Temple guard is looking intensely awkward and embarrassed.

"Sir, if you're injured, I can tell them you-"

"No, I'm fine ," Obi says, pushing himself to sit up and oh kriff, okay, that hurts .

"He's not going ." Satine gives the poor guard a fierce glare, then turns the same look on Obi. "You may tell them his medic insists he have bed rest.

Obi should protest, but his head is killing him and he feels weak and shaky, so even though he wants to go speak to the Council and try to solve this whole problem and tell them about the chips, he thinks maybe he should let someone else do it. "Fine," he says. "But go find Anakin and bring him instead. He knows more about the matter than I do and he will have some thoughts."

"Very well," the guard says, and hurries off, clearly anxious to get away from them and the discomfort of their situation. Obi takes a deep breath and slowly lowers himself back down, hisses out a breath through his teeth. "That was unnecessary, Satine," he says.

...

"On the contrary," Satine says sharply, "it was quite necessary. This is ridiculous, Obi. You cannot allow the Council to take advantage of you like that. You need the time to heal."

Obi-Wan glares at her, rather sulkily. "This is war, Satine. We don't always have the luxury of-"

"Of taking care of yourself?" she asks archly, raising an eyebrow. "I am quite aware of the trials of war, Obi-Wan. The Council should remember you're no use to them dead from exhaustion."

He doesn't look very convinced, but at least he's laying down again-although that might just be because it hurts too much to stay sitting, she's not sure. "I told you I can take care of myself," he says, almost mutinous, and she rolls her eyes.

"Yes, because you've done such a good job of that so far."

"Oh, don't be ridiculous," he says sharply, and she sits up, staring down at him.

"I hardly think that being concerned for your safety counts as ridiculousness, Obi-Wan!" she snaps. "Pardon me if I want you to continue being alive!"

Honestly, she shouldn't be quite so hurt over this, but his all-too-apparent utter disregard for his safety is… difficult.

...

"Your concern is appreciated," Obi says, more sharply than he meant to, "but hardly warranted. I've survived thus far without you mothering me, so I really don't see why you have to keep lecturing me about this." Sometimes there's no space for a proper recovery, for any of them, and that's just how it is . The galaxy will not grind to a halt so he can rest, and he's certainly not going to neglect what needs to be done just so he can feel a little better first. He is needed and if he doesn't make plans and lead his battalion then who will?

The sharp comment was, of course, a mistake . "Yes, and it's taken an entire battalion to do my job," she says, voice crisp. "You never listen to Cody or Scratch even though they have your best interests in mind."

"They mean well," Obi says, scowling and struggling to sit back up because she's glaring down at him and he wants to be on equal footing. Before he's even halfway up, though, Satine puts her slim hand on his chest and shoves him back down. "For kriffs sake, Satine! They mean well, but they don't take into account the fact that I'm a Jedi. They worry too much."

"Oh don't they?" Satine's eyes are icy and if Obi had any sense, he'd stop arguing, but he never seems able to just drop it when he's talking to her. "Haven't they been serving with you for years, Obi? Even the 501st's junior medic seemed to know you'd overextended yourself."

Obi scowls. "Satine, I know how to rest when I have to, that's why I'm sleeping now."

...

For all his vaunted intelligence, Satine thinks, Obi-Wan can be so dense. "And you wouldn't be sleeping if Scratch and Cody and I had forced you to," she says, and she lets out a heavy sigh. "Kriff, Obi, I just… I want to know that when you leave, you'll do everything in your power to come back to me. I don't," and she shakes her head, unable to let the words balled up in her throat out. "Is that such a terrible thing to ask?" To her horror, she feels tears building up in her eyes, and she closes them quickly, looks away from him, tries to swallow them back.

"No, it isn't," he murmurs, and he reaches out, one hand lightly grasping her upper arm and tugging her back down. She lets him, even though it'd be easy to pull away, lays her head on his chest and lets him wrap his arms around her. He lifts one hand, gently swipes away her tears with the pad of his thumb. "I'm sorry, Satine-this is hardly fair to you."

She gives up trying to stifle the tears, instead leaning into his gentle touch. "I wish-" and she stops, swallows. "If-if I asked you to stay, to stop fighting, would you?"

She knows his answer will be no. Because they have always, always placed their duty above all else, above even their own hearts' desires (he walks away, follows Master Qui-Gon onto the ship, glances back over his shoulder at her one last time, like he's committing her face to memory, and she doesn't ask him to stay), and not only does he have a duty to the Jedi Council and to the Republic, he also has a duty of care towards his men, and he won't-can't-leave them.

But she can't help asking, anyway.

...

Obi closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, because it hurts that she's asked because now he has to answer, and while part of him just wants the fighting to be over, wants it all to stop , he knows what his answer is, what it will always be as long as this war goes on. He thinks she knows too. "I couldn't ," he says hoarsely, sweeping his fingers over her cheek. "My men need me, Satine. All of this," and he lifts his hand of her cheek to gesture vaguely around at the med bay, "would be so much worse if I hadn't been here. Kix and Ahsoka would be dead , Satine, I… You know I can't."

He knows she, of all people, understands responsibility . That doesn't make it any easier to say no. Once upon a time, before all this, if she'd asked him to stay he would have . Now there are too many lives depending on him.

Satine nods, and Obi feels her shiver. "I do know," she says softly, and her voice is so soft and sad Obi wants to tell her he would stay but… but he won't lie to her.

"The war isn't going to last forever," he whispers, threads his fingers into her hair and kisses the top of her head. It's almost a promise, but he feels like something may have really shifted this time, like there might finally be an end in sight.

...

Logically, Satine knows that; all wars must come to an end eventually, after all, but… it's times like this one that she finds herself despairing, because it feels like this horror will never end.

But maybe, now that the Chancellor has apparently been apprehended (and she still can't quite comprehend the fact that Chancellor Palpatine is a Sith Lord-the Sith Lord), and his treachery exposed, perhaps now there is a gleam of hope on the horizon. "I know," she says again, quietly, leaning a little into Obi-Wan's touch. "I just… I wish." She knows he understands.

"So do I," he admits.

Satine draws back a little, shifting so she can look at him; she reaches out with one hand, lightly traces the lines on his face, threads her fingers through his coppery-blond beard. "I love you, Obi, and I worry about you," and she knows she's already said that but she'll keep saying it until he understands.

She doesn't quite realize she's going to kiss him until she does, but it feels right and he wants to stay and she's wanted this for so long.

...

This time the kiss feels so much better than the first, because this time Obi doesn't hesitate to slide his fingers along her jaw, angle her face closer, let himself have this . He can feel Satine's contentment and relief in the Force and it's too good to be true, almost, a haze of comfort and closeness and ease as if they have all the time in the world. (And from the way her fingers trace over his beard he thinks she might not dislike it so much as she keeps saying.)

When she pulls away, he doesn't quite want to let her, wants to lean in and kiss her again, but he thinks maybe that would be a bit much and his head is spinning a little so he just leaves his hand against her jaw and smiles at her. "I love you too," he says, and it feels so easy to say when it never has before.

Satine meets his eyes and smiles and his stomach flutters a little. And he doesn't feel like pulling away and she's going to stay and it's all so much better (despite his headache and exhaustion). And he's sure about this, about her, and he doesn't quite believe it but the Force is still telling him this is good .

"We should go back to sleep," he says lightly. "Isn't that what you keep telling me to do, rest?"

...

Satine hums a bit, nods. "So you were listening," she says with a little smile, and she reaches out and drapes her arm over his side, tugs him closer so she can nestle her head into his chest.

"I always listen," Obi-Wan says, and she snorts disbelievingly. "I just choose not to pay attention."

She laughs lightly, tightening her hold on him. "Of course you do," and there's a bright, bubbly joy flowing through her soul, making her want to laugh and smile at everything. "Come on, then, oh wise Master Kenobi, go to sleep."

"As long as you're here, with pleasure," he murmurs, kisses the top of her head, and Satine is smiling as sleep claims her once again.


End file.
